‘GTA III’ & Other Classics You Can Play On Mobile, ‘Cos The Future Rules

It’s kind of easy to forget that the tiny expensive rectangle of light we spend half our day staring into is actually a super powerful computer compared to the consoles we were playing games on a decade ago. In my mind, mobiles games are still maxed out graphics-wise at about ‘Angry Birds‘ level, but it turns out I’m actually a huge idiot and that is very much not the case.

I welcome you to up the gaming experience of your morning bus commute and check out the games they’ve managed to port to smartphones. I also welcome you to probably get one of those battery pack things because these motherfuckers will drain you flat faster than you can say “Fuck me rigid, I can bloody play GTA on my fuckin’ bloody phone.”

It’s the game that will be fondly remembered by many as the one that allowed you to trap large numbers of parkgoers in one area and then viciously launch an out of control rollercoaster through all of them. ‘Rollercoaster Tycoon Classic‘ is a combination of ‘Rollercoaster Tycoon‘ and ‘Rollercoaster Tycoon 2‘ (released on both iOS and Android) that lets you build and manage elaborate theme parks, all while sitting on the toilet.

In 2017’s absolutely batshit political climate, fighting Nazis has never been a more appropriate activity for you to take up in your spare time (well, except maybe for the 30s and 40s). The original game could probably run on a modern toaster, but it’s still mind-boggling to me that they managed to fit the entire game onto a phone. You can find ‘Wolfenstein 3D‘ on the Apple store, iPhone users.

This is the one that blew my mind the most. Back when I played ‘Final Fantasy IX‘ for the first time by renting it out for like a month straight from Video Ezy, it came on four PS1 CDs – clearly, a massive game, way too big to fit on a phone. Apparently not.

The incredible, heartwarming and very lengthy Final Fantasy epic is yours to play on both Android and iOS, which should help you fill in the time over the course of about 500 bus rides.

Again, the future is fucking crazy. ‘KOTOR‘ is an absolute classic Star Wars RPG that uses rules based on Dungeons & Dragons 3.5 and lets you choose whether to be a good guy or a complete loose unit in your quest to become a Jedi. As a bonus, the graphics look absolutely incredible when they’re scaled down to a screen the size of a phone.

If blowing up Nazis and number-crunching hectic RPGs isn’t quite your style, why not spin like crazy through a technicolour nightmare as a ferociously spinning blue hedgehog? Currently the classic ‘Sonic the Hedgehog‘ is only available on the US Android and Apple stores, but Business Insider says they’re coming to Australia shortly.

Need to work out some frustration before and after work? I suggest you execute insane combos on imaginary enemies in a classic arcade fighting game. The ‘Street Fighter II Collection‘ is only available on iOS at this stage, sorry Android users.

You read that right, you can play the actual, honest to god ‘Grand Theft Auto III‘ on your damn phone because we live in the goddamn future. Your days of staring out the window in boredom are over now that you can instead hijack a firetruck and do next-level flips off ramps intended for much smaller cars. ‘GTA III‘ is available on both Android and iOS, hooray!