We’ve spent hours, even days, with our favourite video game characters (and honestly, we wouldn’t have said no to a night with one or two of them). We know them inside out, have guided them through all manner of bizarre situations and battles.
We’re pals, really. It’s a connection you cannot deny. We’re big ol’ nerds who’ve imagined what they’d be like in the real world.
So, in no particular order, we’ve listed a bunch of video game characters who would absolutely match you drink for drink when you trek out for a coupla beverages on a Friday evening, because as if you wouldn’t want to get rowdy with these folk.
1. Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger
If you’re gonna go drinking with anyone, you know a true blue Aussie is the way to go. Ty would absolutely smash a few tinnies with you and really get yammering, then punch a few darts and still be standing at like 3am. Just a real top bloke type operation.
2. Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect
We all know Commander Shepard could throw ’em back, but their Turian companion was just as handy with the drink. If you could drag him away from his calibrations you’d probably wind up dancing or in a shoot-out, and then spend the afternoon letting him win in a bottle sniping competition.
3. Link, The Legend of Zelda
Sometimes you just wanna drink in silence, you know?
4. Gandhi, Civilisation
Due to a game glitch in the original Civilisation, Gandhi is programmed to be, well, kind of a dick. In the games since it’s been somewhat of a running joke to have the peaceful dude wind up most likely to nuke you, so maybe a bev or two would calm his farm right down.
5. Kirby, Kirby
If he can inhale a human, you’d think he can inhale a beer or two with ease. Of course, you want to make sure you’re not on the receiving end, but it’d make a hell of a drinking game. Invite your mates to see the spectacle, invite your enemies to… well. You know.
6. Mordin Solus, Mass Effect
Yes there are two Mass Effect characters on this list but don’t pretend you’re not still emotionally destroyed. You’d sing Gilbert and Sullivan patter songs together and he’d speak faster with every drink. Has to be him – someone else might get it wrong.
7. Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid
To be totally clear for people who haven’t played the games, there are approx. four or five characters with the codename Snake, but Solid Snake is the bloke we’d wanna smash a beer with. At this point in the series he’s aged and has seen some shit. Imagine the stories.
8. Toad, Super Mario
Look, any of the Super Mario characters would make great drinking partners (special shout out to Waluigi, who deserves a drink), but we vote Toad. If only to find out how he feels about being compared to the genitals of the US President.
9. Gordon Freeman, Half Life
Look, we just desperately want to know what would’ve happened in Half Life 3 (still waiting, Valve).
10. Geralt of Rivia, The Witcher
You’ve gotta allow us just one moment of extreme thirst here. The love for the cat-eyed Witcher with a gruff voice runs deep, and even while tipsy he’d still be able to defend us from all manner of wicked creatures. Bruxa? NBD. Drowners? Ain’t got nothin’. Triss? Go away. Pls love us Geralt, we are devoted to you.
And look, if you’re not down for a double shot, that’s fine too. You can always just hang around your local and chow down on a Maxibon while they hit the harder stuff.
