Brace yourself for some bad news if you had really got your hopes up about buying that waterboarding kit signed by Dick Cheney: it is no longer available on eBay.

The item, now removed, was posted as a marketing stunt for Who Is America?, the Sacha Baron Cohen–helmed TV show. Baron Cohen had the container signed while ‘disguised’ as Israeli anti-terrorism expert Erran Morad.

The description of the item said that all proceeds from the sale would go to charity:

Here is a rare opportunity to own a WATER BOARD BOTTLE SIGNED BY the Godfather of the sport – American war hero and all-round mensch, VICE-PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY

Unlike the cheap domestic water board kits you can buy on Amazon, this is a professional grade piece of military hardware. Fully functioning, it have seen many hours active use by me, both on the frontline of the War on Terror and also in my own home, where it has proved very effective at keeping my son, Eyal, in line. Indeed, if you too live in a bungalow, water boarding is a great alternative to the “naughty step”.

The bottle is made from Military Grade High Density Polyethylene (HDPE), meaning that as well as Water Boarding, it can also be used to Dr. Pepper Board, Clorox Board or even Urine Board potential terrorists or annoying neighbors.

Please bid freely, not only will you get a fully operational torture, I mean interrogation device, all proceeds from the sale will go to AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.

According to The Telegraph, the auction had reached over $AUD3,400 before it was taken down.

Waterboarding, as you might recall, is a form of quote-unquote ‘advanced interrogation technique’ that simulates drowning. It has been used heavily by the US, most notably under the Bush administration, in which Cheney served as vice president. Cheney has repeatedly stated his belief that waterboarding does not constitute torture, although it is hard to imagine what else you could call repeatedly putting someone through the process of drowning.