Hoooo boy. Married At First Sight 2018, what a whirlwind amirite? I don’t actually know what to do with myself now that it’s almost over. Actually, I do – I’ll be watching my cult documentaries tyvm.
But my soul will be missing a piece and that piece will be our friends and frenemies from this batch of absolute TV gold.
Last night’s ep revealed all the worst-kept MAFS secrets – Tracey Jewel and Sean Thomsen? Yeah, they were a thing. We weren’t all going mad.
Oh, and Troy Delmege, Mr. Can’t Brush His Teeth, and Carly Bowyer – they’re offish.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bgiv-D_BBm5/?taken-by=troydelmege
They revealed their fresh rel to the cast on TV, but these are the first IRL pics they’ve shared that confirm they’re dating. Even though, y’know, there were those extremely obvious pap pics that circulated a month back.
Anyway, as with all things Troy the entire cute coupling sitcho turned extremely weird in last night’s episode. There was an incredibly uncomfortable scene of them in bed together, which I really did not need thrust onto my eyeballs.
Carly called Troy a “little fuzzy bunny” bc he has chest hair, which like OK but also can you not thanks I’m trying to live a pure life here and now my brain is putrid.
Later, Troy really let rip with the fucked up commentary about his relationship, as he does love to do.
“She’s like, gifted with quite a very…I’d say, talented tongue.”
STOP PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF BREAKFAST BURRITOS AND ALL OTHER HOLY THINGS.
“She takes great care of herself, so her mouth’s in great condition. She’s got the rhythm, she knows what to do,” he said of Carly.
HER MOUTH’S IN GREAT CONDITION? I swear to god if anyone I was boning told me my mouth was in great condition I would turn to them, put my hand up in their face in the “stop” motion, and say “SERIAL KILLER BYE”.
There’s so much here. She’s got the rhythm? Ohgodohgodohgodohgod PLEASE STOP SPEAKING.
Things I would rather see/hear aside from Troy and Carly’s love-fest:
The bear mutant from Annihilation.
Barnaby Joyce eating a bowl of chili con carne while making slurping noises.
A 10 hour concert of ‘Despacito’ on loop.
I’m not alone in this. All of you fucking hated the entire ordeal as well.
I just threw up in my mouth watching Troy and Carly #MAFS
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) March 20, 2018
If I’m being honest, I’d rather accidentally watch a video of my grandparents having sex in their 80s than watch Troy make out with Carly #MAFS
— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) March 20, 2018
https://twitter.com/sleemol/status/976017049632743430
Anyway. As absolutely RANK as Troy’s odd comments were, and their TMI bedroom scene, the pair do seem to be pretty happy together.
Happy for you guys but fuck I hate kissing social media pics. They always look so fucking strange. Like you’re sucking the life force out of each other. Which like, I wouldn’t put past Troy tbh.
