Good news for supremely horny, aesthetically pleasing young Aussies, with applications for Channel 9’s new reality show Love Island open and hoo boy is that application form a doozy.
Based on the UK show of the same name, the new dating shitfight throws a whole mess of sessy singles onto a tropical island resort and watches them date, bone, partner-swap and biff with ultimately one surviving couple taking home a cash prize.
Love Island Australia is coming to @9Go & @9NowAU! Single & up for the hottest summer ever? Apply now: https://t.co/P9jH69DCVo #9LoveIsland pic.twitter.com/XbqReeyRqW
— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) October 11, 2017
Applications are currently open and much like other dating show processes the Love Island initial form is lengthy, excruciatingly detailed and carrying with it some sneaky tidbits that could reveal some of the show’s upcoming secret inclusions.
So with you, our TV addicted, supremely randy readers in mind, yours truly forged his way through the cavalcade of Qs and As to get an idea of just what kind of emotional turmoil one needs to go through to get on this dang show.
Right off on page one, after boring shit like name and address, we’ve already got some interesting takeaways, with both gender and sexuality questions having a fairly broad set of options:
Whilst one season of the UK version featured a rather brief same-sex female pairing half-way through the season, does this mean the Aussie take is gonna actively include and feature queer love? This big ol’ gay fucken hopes so!
Further down the questions move to occupation (is Sex God an occupation?) and then some fields which seem to seek to weed out any people entering the show purely for fame or to further their budding media career:
Do you currently blog and/or vlog? (whether on a full-time or part-time basis).
Do you have an Instagram account?
If you answer yes you have to drop full deets and follower amount. Not sure if being a YouTuber or an Instagram Thot would help or hinder your application tbh, but maybe make sure your content is making you look single af just in case.
Page two and we hit the JUICY bits. Relationships, how good are you at ’em:
Good to see the “reason you broke up” box is extra big for your epic dumping story that concludes with “BECAUSE I WAS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR HIM THAT’S WHY!”.
After answering whether you’ve been married or engaged, you get hit with this D&M waiting to happen:
Have you ever been in love, or found the person you thought was “the one”? Tell us about it…
That one’s best answered whilst gazing out a rain-stained window and clutching a whisky just FYI.
Next you need to whack together a 50 words or less “dating profile” for yourself (we DO NOT recommend copy/pasting your Tinder bio) and then outline your “ideal partner”, in which I simply put “Zac Efron“.
Finally the Love Island Gods want to know if you’ve ever been on TV before (does being seen in the background of Sunrise when Justin Bieber sang at Martin Place that one time, thrusting maniacally towards the stage and crying, count?) and then how you found out about the application.
Hmmmm, “spotted by the producers” hey? Proof that there’ll be some heavy headhunting afoot for the premiere season? Almost def.
The last page simply features the option to upload up to three shithot piccies of you looking like a complete babe (one is mandatory, so no catfishing) and then WHAMMO you’re locked and loaded on what may be part one of a super long audition process.
What’s interesting is, despite attempting to get you to open up about your love life, the Love Island application pales in comparison to the 13-page nightmare that The Bachelor/ette makes you go through.
Maybe you just need to be really, really, really, really good looking and you’re set?
Who fkn knows. Hit up the application here if your still boned up about being on Love Island, and all our naughty questions will be answered when the show hits Channel 9 next year.
