I cannot stress this enough – Love Island is the greatest reality TV trash-fire franchise to ever exist. Forget what you know of trash reality, because if you haven’t watched Love Island, you don’t understand what true producer bullshit brilliance is. My personal favourite, Love Island UK, is back on TV tonight on 9Now and this is why you need to watch.

Maybe you had a squiz at Love Island Australia – that was a brilliant season of television, absolutely. Maybe you didn’t, in which case I’ll give you an education. Love Island is basically The Bachelor but with more desperate psychopaths, OK? It’s like – put 20 single people in a tropical oasis of a mansion, and wait for them to fuck.

PSA: ‘Love Island UK’ Is Back Tonight So Cue The Trashy Hook-Up Dramas

But it doesn’t end there – real, genuine couples form. Each week, everyone is expected to “couple up” – it alternates between the guys choosing girls, and the girls choosing guys. This obviously can start drama because if two guys are keen on the same girl, one can side-swipe the other and choose her… even if she’s more keen on the other dude. It doesn’t mean shit because OBVIOUSLY she’s not obligated to do anything with this dude aside from be his challenge partner, but still. People get jealous and pissed! That means yelling and sometimes throwing of drinks!

Anyway, the producers of this show – absolute geniuses – turn the tables on these dickheads throughout the season, whether it be throwing new guys/girls into the mix, letting the new people take whoever they like on a date, etc etc.

The best table-turning I’ve ever seen was two seasons ago on Love Island UK, when the guys and girls were split after a few weeks into two separate houses, placed NEAR EACH OTHER so they could hear the goings-on next door.

PSA: ‘Love Island UK’ Is Back Tonight So Cue The Trashy Hook-Up Dramas

By this point, a few couples had formed. New guys/girls were sent into the houses, they had welcome parties, and then the producers captured photos (!!) of some encounters before “mailing” said photos to the other house. Sometimes the IRL situations were tame (two people hugging after winning a challenge) sometimes it was evidence a partner had chosen to move on. The recipients of the photos then had to decide if they were choosing a newbie to partner up with, or sticking with their S.O from the other house – WITHOUT KNOWING if said S.O had chosen them or a newbie. If it was the latter? They’d be automatically booted.

IDK if any of that made sense to anyone who didn’t watch the show (if you did you are screaming at me “YAAAAASSS!!!” aren’t you) but basically – watch the damn series. I bloody will be.

Love Island UK starts at 6pm tonight on 9Now, with a new ep every day from then on.

Image: Love Island UK