We only have TWO episodes left of Love Island Australia, and the worst thing has happened. I literally hate EVERY COUPLE. All of them. The only potential way I could finish this show off and be happy with the result is if there was a plot twist during the finale, and they shoved all three remaining couples into a dinghy, pushed them out to sea, and then had credits roll over the sight of them slowly drifting into the horizon that says “eventually, aliens collected the last remaining contestants, beamed them up into their UFO, and they were never seen again”.
That is the only way this will turn out to be a happy ending for me.
But let’s recap, shall we?
We open with the aftermath of Mac and Sad Boi/New Guy/Teddy choosing to leave the villa, leaving Millie and Mark safe. That entire situation fired Grant and Eden up big time, and the tension is TOIGHT, my friends.
Grant bumps into Eden on purpose, which starts a fight. They don’t punch on but it’s like a second away from it before Dom intervenes.
This sets off Tayla – she’s over Grant’s aggression bc she’s had an aggressive boyfriend in the past and is not here for dating another. This is very fair enough and actually can NO WOMEN date aggressive dudes? We should not be rewarding them with our love, they are garbage people (Erin, I am speaking directly to you). Like control the anger or fuck off.
In fairness, Grant’s pretty cut up – he’s trying to control his anger with Eden and he’s struggling big-time.
I actually felt for Grant here?? Like I hate the guy, he’s a gaslighter and a giant pissbaby who lies about shit he says even though EVERYTHING HAS BEEN FILMED. But his frustration seems genuine, like he’s really trying to be the non-aggro guy Tayla needs. God, I’ve gotten way too invested in this show.
Anyway, he storms off down to the beach, Tayla follows him, and they have a heated debate in which he clearly just wants some time to cool off and she won’t leave.
Then the cat walks through and I’m like, can we just fucking vote for the cat? I’d rather the cat have the prize money, and then it could buy itself a really pimp little cat house, and move it’s cat girlfriend in, and then they’ll get married and have kittens and one day, while reclining on their cat day bed on the mini balcony, they’ll chuckle together and say “to think that an Australian reality television show is responsible for our life-long happiness and financial stability”.
Tayla reasons with Grant and says he needs to be the “bigger man”, so he goes and has a chat to Eden about no drama in the house, blah blah who cares.
Meanwhile, Millie and Mark are trying really hard to show they’re into each other via very staged-looking straddling.
In the morning Grant picks his nose at the pool – extreme mood.
Then it’s time for today’s game – a Lie Detector! Nothing much really eventuates from this except Dom is lying about everything, apparently.
And Eden admits he finds Millie attractive, which sends Erin’s head spinning off into another dimension.
They have a dumb fight (I’m starting to feel like all their fights are just for show at this point) and make up in minutes. Meanwhile the only thing Millie and Mark have to talk about is how strong their connection is.
Then it’s time to find out who Australia hates the least. It’s Grant/Tayla, Eden/Erin and Shelby/Dom (??? WTF AUSTRALIA) which means Josh/Amelia and Mark/Millie are on the cutting block.
The safe couples again get to choose who goes, and while they all say they’re “struggling” it seems to take 0.2 seconds for everyone to decide Millie and Mark should go. Bye, won’t miss ya.
The body language when they walk out is extremely lol, like Millie is already edging herself as far from Mark as possible.
We end the episode with the moodiest mood of all – Grant standing in green undercrackers just fucking losing his mind over a shooting star.
He has to ruin it by turning it into an on-camera opportunity and saying “I’d better make a wish” before blathering on about falling more in love with Tayla, and hoping he and Tayla have a wonderful last few days. Buddy, we are not stupid. We can tell you’re performing to win our love and it WILL NOT WORK. DON’T LET HIM TRICK YOU, FAM.
In other news, anyone else feel like Erin/Eden don’t have this on lock anymore? After that whole reveal from Teddy about Eden’s possessive behaviour it feels like those two and fast losing their fanbase…
