Love Island Australia might be in it’s final week (weeks? IDK) but that isn’t stopping the producers from literally SHOVING new people into that villa like it’s Horny Jail and there’s an overload of sexually charged crims around. Two new boys are headed in this week, and we only said bye to one (Jaxon, of the fake name).
Elsewhere, Grant’s suss on whether Amelia‘s faking her adoration for Josh (probs tbh) and Eden/Erin are revoltingly loved-up after that INSANE commitment ceremony that was basically their budget wedding.
But let’s get into it in-depth, shall we?
Erin and Eden are, as I said, revoltingly in love. Gross. Put these displays of affection away, guys – there are people in this villa who will probably never find love since it’s literally just you guys and Grant/Tayla who are actually hooked up.
Meanwhile New Guy (NO I WON’T GIVE HIM A NAME! I WON’T!) is still trying to make these glasses a thing.
Also the cat is back and has the best subtitles of all time.
Shelby‘s off Jax because he *says* he’s a listener but doesn’t actually listen to her. But actually Shelby’s just off Jaxon and is trying to find viewer-friendly reasons to dump his ass. HONEY WE CAN SEE THROUGH THIS SHIT, IT’S NOT OUR FIRST REALITY TV RODEO.
Grant has an absolutely BIZARRE convo with New Guy about concerns that Tayla won’t take his last name bc it is literally “Crapp”. I kind of felt for the guy saying how he feels it’s part of him and he couldn’t control getting that last name, but dude why is this a concern rn? You’re like 23, you’ve been with this girl for 3 weeks max. CHILL OUT.
Then he ruins everything by emphatically saying he’d never take a girl’s last name. Yeah god forbid you get “demasculinated” by having to take a woman’s surname after marriage, mate.
It gets even better when Millie has a bit of a crisis (which actually made me a bit emotional, WHO HAVE I BECOME) over not wanting to lower her standards with men but feeling kind of alone in the villa because of it. Tayla comforts her and can we all just enjoy Grant feeling distinctly uncomfortable at the sight of girl emotions.
Meanwhile cop this absolute “get off me” vibe from Shelby.
Also Amelia and Josh totally boned.
I mean Amelia says they “just kissed” and slept and Josh said it was a “good night” but you know. The sheets were up, guys.
That doesn’t mean shit’s cool though. Amelia has a deep and meaningful with Shelby about her doubts re: Josh. It seems like legit doubts you’d normally have in a situation like the one they’re in (read: locked up with annoying people and not allowed to leave), not “ohhh doubts and by doubts I mean I just don’t like this person and I’m pretending lol”.
OFC Grant, the World’s Worst Human, has stuck his nose into their business and is seeding the thought in people’s heads that Amelia is “sneaky” and just playing the game. Honestly THIS FUCKING GUY. Like sure, maybe she is, IDK – but it is legit none of his business and nothing has happened to indicate that in any clear way yet. Fuck off, Mr. Man.
The girls get shipped off to a day spa, which is just a lot of Erin being the constant mood that she is:
As my Editor Josie said in our last recap, someone give this woman her own show.
It’s kind of phenomenal that the producers send the girls on a day spa trip, only to then bombard them with the pressure of booting one dude from the villa to make way for two newbies.
They decide to boot Jaxon, and he does not take it so well.
Does not seem OK, folks.
But he has no hard feelings for anyone in the villa and leaves without making a scene. I’d probably scream, throw my microphone into the pool, and tell them all they’re stupid dickheads who will never find love. BUT THAT’S JUST ME.
Everyone gets over it in 0.2 seconds when these rudely-coloured cocktails come out. Honestly that is 90% sugar granita which is my most hated thing ever.
Shelby wastes no time fawning all over Dom in an absolutely obvious attempt to re-couple and save herself from getting evicted. Honestly, wait like HALF a day mate so it seems real, you know?
The gang then have to act out Karma Sutra moves which is… weird but whatever. Shelby naturally pulls Dom away from Mac to demonstrate them all.
He is fine with this.
Aaaand that’s all that happens, the end. The two new dudes enter the villa tonight and they seem suuuuper beige. Honestly WHERE ARE THE HOTTIES AND THE SEXY FUN GUYS.
But here’s hoping Tayla and/or Erin falls for one of them and STIRS UP SOME DRAMA, FOLKS.
