We are ONE episode away from Love Island Australia being OVAH, O-V-A-H.
Things have gotten quite beige, probably because there’s no more recoupling drama left to be had (although wouldn’t it be WILD if like, Eden decided last minute that he was in love with Tayla and they just pissed off from the villa to be together?) but recaps never sleep, right? That makes no sense, right? Whatever! Let’s do this shit.
The episode starts with Grant and Tayla telling Josh and Amelia that, while Millie was Talya’s best friend and apparently Mark, who I have seen speak to Grant all of one (1) time, is Grant’s best friend – they did the two lovebirds a solid and voted for them to stay for the remaining few days, because they have more of a chance of love.
Guys – these people legit had two days left. I don’t think Josh and Amelia are going to get dramatically closer in 48 hours.
After this exchange, Grant – who is 100000% playing up the romantico shit for the cameras/Australia at this point – organises a romantic dessert rendezvous for Tayla. It is predictably shithouse:
I’m also 90% sure the producers sorted half that shit out, and/or Tayla’s gonna get food poisoning from the hastily chopped up fruit.
Grant then gets all personal trainery and talks about putting the past behind them and “setting goals”. What goals? Be… happy? Be less of a douche canoe?
Shelby meanwhile has another chat to Dom about the stupid lie detector game. MATE, WHO CARES IF IT CAME UP ALL LIES FOR HIM. Do you actually think Dom is the love of your life? Bc hot tip, he is not. Just enjoy the pool for another day and be done with this.
Anyway, she’s an EXTREME MOOD for me when Dom says “danke schoen” and she stares at him blankly before replying “I don’t know what that means”. When he says “thank you” she rolls her eyes and says “why couldn’t you just say thank you in English”. Lol.
Then it’s time for everyone to go on dates to PROVE THEIR LOVE TO US, THE VIEWERS AND JUDGES OF THEIR LIIIIIIVES!
Shelby and Dom have a very weird table-in-middle-of-public-space drinks date.
Then the date turns extremely weird – Dom makes Shelby close her eyes, then brings over a fucking DONKEY. Are they going to ride it? No. It is simply going to stand to the side of their date, eat their corn chips, and drool all over their Aperol Spritzes.
Shelby fucking loses it when she gets home, telling the camera it’s the “BEST DATE I’VE EVER BEEN ON!!! EVER EVER EVER!!”.
Then it’s Josh and Amelia’s turn. They do way better – an empty restaurant overlooking an epic beach.
The only disappointing part is they don’t go swimming. Mate, after being locked inside that villa for weeks I’d be like “can our date just be you sitting here taking aesthetic photos of me while I swim in that ridiculously perfect water alone?”
Surely that is a good date given these people only talk about how “great” their relationship is.
Then they decide to dance. Like this.
The remaining couples at the villa decide to play the “how much do you know about your partner” game, and it’s all normal stuff like parent’s names and how many previous girlfriends/boyfriends their partner has had, until Tayla asks Grant “what’s my favourite number, do you know that?”
Honest to god I do not think any of my exes, none, would have any idea what my favourite number is. You know why? I DO NOT HAVE ONE BECAUSE I AM NOT IN PRESCHOOL.
Next up it’s Erin and Eden’s turn to go on a romantic date. They’re forced to make their own sangria. Have I told you guys how much I abhor those restaurants that bring your drink/food out in ingredient form and force you to construct it yourself? I am not PAYING TO COOK HERE, PEOPLE.
On the plus side this probably meant they could go HAM on the alcohol content.
True to their completely dysfunctional relationship, Eden’s love declaration to Erin on their date includes the line “and you know how sexy I think you are when you get angry”. She cries tears of happiness over this. No one model your relationship on these two, please lord.
Back at the villa, the remaining couples do life drawing. Everyone appreciate Josh right here please.
For literally no conceivable reason, Dom puts on a bikini top and then splodges random bits of tomato sauce on his biceps.
Finally it’s time for Grant and Tayla’s date, and fuck me are the producers just setting these two up to win? They get the sickest date of all – a private boat tour around Mallorca’s coast.
Finally, it’s time to find out who Australia wants thrown into the ocean. The first couple safe is Josh and Amelia – cue Josh CRYING (????) with emotion.
I do not say this bc I don’t like men crying – I am very pro men expressing their emotions, pls continue to do so – I say this bc I am baffled in general. WHY IS ANYONE CRYING ABOUT CONTINUING OR NOT CONTINUING ON THIS SHOW AT THIS POINT. Like sure there’s prize money to be won but it’s like they cry at the chance to stick around with their partner some more, when actually it would be… better to just go home and spend time with them away from cameras?? Right? Have they all lost their mind in a collective folie a deux situation or something?
Anyway, next safe is Grant and Tayla. So it’s Erin/Eden and Dom/Shelby in the bottom two. Erin looks like she has absolutely no worries in the world and 100% knows Dom/Shelby have zero chance up against their long-time relationship.
OFC they make it through, so see ya Dom and Shelby. The gang head to the bedroom to help the booted couple pack, and crow on about how good the finale is going to be which seems a bit insensitive. Grant, in true BATSHIT FORM, says “tomorrow’s gonna be the biggest day of our lives”.
Righto.
