Love Island Australia was pretty whatever last night – I’m HOPING that’s because we’re leading up to a big, explosive Grant/Tayla break-up on Sunday. Please, Reality TV Gods. I beg of you.
Basically there was a low-level argument between the two irritating lovebirds (what’s an annoying bird. A mynah? Two irritating love-mynahs) and then the inevitable booting of Cassidy from the villa. But let’s recap anyway, shall we!
We start with the fallout from the “Cassidy and Mac, one of you is leaving in 24 hours” business that went down at yesterday’s re-coupling. Grant and Tayla DGAF about any of it and are just making out like teenagers while everyone else comforts the two potential evictees.
Cassidy is NOT HERE for any sassy shit Tayla might say/do, and tells Erin etc. as much. Erin is frothing over how no-bullshit Cassidy has become under her tutelage. God bless Erin for admitting she’s a spicy enchilada. It’s extremely boring when contestants pretend they’re angels but are actually being dickbags (ahem, Millie and Tayla) so props to Erin for just owning it.
There’s also some weird eating game where Dom feeds Tayla actual dirt from a pot plant??
She’s weirdly chill about it which blows my mind, if someone fed me plant dirt I would straight up flykick them in the balls, scream, vomit in the pool and then scream until lights out, wherein I would pass out from the intense waves of trauma.
Millie has yet another delusional convo with Tayla about how Dom‘s got all these walls up (read: he is void of emotion entirely bc he is seriously only on this show for exposure/fucking, and doesn’t give a shit about Millie the end) but SHE has SOOO many walls up too bc she’s a “commitment-phobe”.
It would be hilarious except I’ve absolutely had this exact convo 4 billion times over guys I’ve dated who clearly were not that into me, but I convinced myself/everyone around me that in fact, they are just slow-burns. A T T A C K E D.
Also, Jax/Shelby and Josh/Amelia waste no time spooning.
Real talk: who the FUCK actually sleeps in spooning position. I think it’s occurred once for me in my lifetime and it was bc I’d had like 100 beers and would have happily slept on a stone floor if that was where my body had landed. It’s hot, sweaty, bony and involves someone breathing directly into your ear/hair. Hug and release-to-move-to-edge-of-bed forever, mates.
In the morning Erin makes a complete mess of fried eggs, which was a mood.
Grant’s woken up in a shit mood, and there’s some real tension between him and Tayla.
It really comes down to Tayla wanting Grant to be less selfish and think about her feelings more, and Grant not understanding anything she says and being all neanderthal “rawwwr this isn’t Fun Tayla, where’d she go!”
“Since day one we were totally fucking different and now it’s just changing” he says to her, which basically means “you were fun before and now you’re all ohhhh problems, issues, and I DON’T LIKE IT”.
As a complete aside I have come up with exactly what Grant would eat for a regular dinner – I reckon he would buy one of those large home-brand blocks of tasty cheese, and a McCains frozen pizza (I think pepperoni but sometimes he would choose hawaiian) and then he would grate extra cheese on top and then squirt BBQ sauce over that. IDK he just seems like a frozen-pizza-bbq-sauce kind of guy.
Moving along, the islanders play “Rank Bank”, which is basically them lining contestants up based on “who would look hottest in 20 years” or “who would cheat” or whatever, and then being owned by what the public’s actually voted. The biggest moments are that the public think Eden’s the most likely guy to cheat:
And Cassidy’s the most likely girl:
Grant and Tayla then make up after Tayla repeats her point for the 573075th time, and Grant finally understands she just wants him not to be a selfish buttface.
There’s a fantastic moment where Josh is practicing how he’ll ask Amelia to kiss him w/ Cassidy and Dom, and goes for the line “and you just fell into my arms” and is extremely roasted for it.
He pretends he was kidding but he totally wasn’t, it’s the best.
The Truth Bike came back out, and while nothing really interesting was revealed when Mac was on it, hoooo boy did Cassidy cop it when she jumped on.
Tayla grills her about why she picked Grant, then Millie jumps in and it all becomes like a big bullying sesh which I’m 1000% not about. I am so off Tayla and Millie at the moment, guys. Like HI I KNOW CASSIDY’S A BIT OF A HYPOCRITE BUT ALSO YOU’RE GANGING UP ON HER.
Honestly at one point it looks like she’s going to cry.
Then it’s time to find out if Mac or Cassidy’s fucking off. It takes F O R E V E R and involves every damn housemate getting a text so the answer slowly trickles out. But eventually it’s Erin who announces that it’s see-ya-time for Cassidy.
Tayla and Millie are, as always, super mature and really kind-hearted folks.
Honestly, I hate these people.
YUCK.
Anyway it got proper emotional, mainly because Erin and Cassidy clearly formed a proper friendship in there.
Also I’m properly sad because Cassidy was like the only person stirring ANY kind of drama-pot in there, and now it’ll just be boring couples being boring. UNLESS the teaser for a potential Grant/Tayla split is legit – as I said before, PLEASE YES. PLEASE, PLEASE YES.
