‘Love Island’ Premiered And Words Cannot Describe What Just Happened

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Published

May 27, 2018

Straight to it because I feel bloody filthy after watching the first episode of Love Island Australia.

Sophie Monk’s hosting the show and there’s not enough Sophie, that is all.

Here’s how it works:

The girls line up while the guys walk in one by one. The girls step forward if they’re keen on the lad and if nobody steps forward, the guy gets to choose someone.

Once they’re coupled up, they’ll compete in challenges together, chill together, and share a bed together. The winning couple cops $50,000.

And instead of Osher walking in with a date card, we get texts complete with hash tags.

Funnily enough, the film Sausage Party is on TV next.

Anyway, we see every single person’s Instagram because that’s why they’re really here in Mallorca, Spain… in a villa where clothes don’t exist.

Oh yeah, a random Irish dude narrates the show and I don’t know why.

Just before the run down of singles:

https://twitter.com/GeorgieALove/status/1000690716299804672

Alright, here we go:

Tayla & Josh

Tayla’s a former Miss Universe, a radio presenter, and bloody stunning.

Josh rates himself a 10/10 physically and 9.95/10 for personality.

In his promo, Josh squeezes a tube of mayonnaise as he compares woman to ham sandwiches. He doesn’t just want a plain ham sandwich, he wants the whole shebang.

Josh is the first boy to arrive at the villa and because he’s first, nobody picks him – bummer. So then Josh chooses Miss Universe AKA Tayla who’s… okay with it.

Josh describes Tayla as an “oil painting”, he was right friends, he falls way too quick.

Hands up Josh & Tayla fans! ✋#LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/M9IpkdrpZT

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

Millie & Justin

Millie’s all about her butt and banter. You just know Mille’s going to cause or be the reason for shit to go down and oh look, she is.

Justin’s our eldest competitor. He’s a model and this is all you need to know:

“I feel like I’m cursed because I look like this.”

Cassidy makes a face because she can already tell he’s a douche.

Again, nobody steps forward because there are still three lads left so Justin ends up choosing Millie.

Later on we learn Justin’s keen on Tayla, instead.

Who’s feelin Justin & Millie? #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/jkKuvha8Zd

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

Natasha & Charlie

Natasha has 100,000 followers on Instagram and only dates guys with boats. She also once partied with Justin Bieber which is just such a life achievement.

In a strange twist of events, Millie already knows Charlie. What a coincidence, “We didn’t even have sex though,” Millie says.

Charlie’s a rugby player: “I’ve put my rugby on hold so I can concentrate on scoring off the pitch.”

Natasha steps forward and Charlie reluctantly steps towards her as he’s still pretty keen on Millie.

Charlie can’t stop talking about Millie and it’s bloody awkward. Then later in the night he says Tash was his “third preference”.

Good stuff.

Natasha & Charlie be lookin pretty hawt right? #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/SzfgVInk9t

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

Cassidy & Grant

Here’s your awkward-country-shy-girl and Grant who says things like “Tradies get the ladies.”

Grant can’t stop touching his ripped bod.

Cassidy and Natasha step forward for the tradie because of course they do.

Natasha wants to drop Charlie ‘cos she knows he’s into Millie. Unfortunately for her, Grant picks Cassidy and can’t stop calling her “mate”.

Could Cassidy & Grant be a couple that makes it all the way?#LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/tPkSsc71qU

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

Erin & Eden

Erin’s a self-described “Naughty Nurse”, she knows what she wants and she’ll do whatever to get it.

Eden’s your villain which is ironic because he’s a prison officer. Again, Millie knows him because he apparently dated her mate.

“Worst thing I’ve ever down, sleep with a bride-to-be on her hens night.”

Spectacular.

Eden and Erin verbally hook-up and Erin says, “If some girl tries it with you I’m going to attack.”

While they chat, Eden proudly says he’s cheated before and Erin starts to regret her decision a little but that doesn’t stop them from getting it on in bed… in the same room with everyone else. It isn’t weird at all.

The next morning Erin starts to experience the “Eden wobble” because she doesn’t reckon she can trust the guy.

Were sparks flying already for Eden & Erin?#LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/Rqsb4mV25P

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

OH, and then we meet:

Kim

Kim gets what she wants, loves herself blah, blah, blah.

Erin says of Kim: “Blonde, fake tits, I fucking hate you.”

Kim doesn’t have a problem with splitting people up? Oh she DEFINITELY came to the right Villa then. #LoveIslandAU pic.twitter.com/J1rcpfjlcd

— Love Island Australia (@LoveIslandAU) May 27, 2018

And now because I don’t know how to respond to this show, I’m going to let other people do it for me:

https://twitter.com/jiehyunglo/status/1000702383268085762

We’re not even 60 seconds into this and it’s already a raging dumpster fire 🔥 #LoveIslandAU

— Matt Smithson (@mattsmithson) May 27, 2018

If we end up getting nothing out of #LoveIslandAU, at least we got this video, which ought to earn @SophieMonk a bloody Gold Logie pic.twitter.com/euRrH7o2w1

— Triana Butler (@trianabutler) May 27, 2018

https://twitter.com/Rob_Stott/status/1000689565676462080

Before I turn off for good, here’s what I DO like about #LoveIslandAU :

I am sitting on my 39 yo, objectively unhot, trackie-clad fat arse eating ice cream from the tub, and still feel more attractive than these people who spend 24/7 working on and living by their looks.

— KB (@Katie_Loz) May 27, 2018

God I wish I had the confidence of a mediocre white man #loveislandau pic.twitter.com/tqqKUVyeY8

— Angie and Yvie (@angieandyvie) May 27, 2018

#LoveIslandAU To any young women watching this please rest assured – dumb is not fun, stupid is not cute and good looks don’t last for ever.

— Gidgit VonLaRue (@GidgitVonLaRue) May 27, 2018

The better reality show would be filming me try and hold a conversation with any of these people without literally setting myself on fire. #LoveIslandAU

— Mitch Feltscheer (@mitchfel) May 27, 2018