During my last recap, I said that I was excited to continue watching the Masked Singer purely to see the various ways queen LiLo politely lied her way out of knowing anyone on the show ever.
In today’s episode, we witnessed the tactic of repetition, with Miss Lindsay throwing the name – *checks cue cards* – ‘Samantha Jade‘ into the arena several times without any real explanation at all.
LiLo herself admitted she had no clue at this point, even saying that one of the masked singers could be Charlie Sheen for all she knew. (To be honest, that’s still a better guess than all of the other judge’s questionable suggestions, IMO.)
Once again, this isn’t meant to shady in the slightest. I’m in awe that my girl LiLo is showing up, turning out and producing incredible content. I’m in awe that Lindsay is being so graceful and polite to all these strangers despite not knowing a literal fart about them. That’s a class act.
Also, I’m not saying that it’s unlikely Lindsay Lohan would know Samantha Jade… I’m just saying that… actually, well, yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying – It’s pretty fucking unlikely that Lindsay Lohan would know Samantha Jade.
Now, that’s not meant to be offensive to Sammy Jade – after all, I’d be surprised if she even remembered Paris Hilton’s name. I’m merely saying that Lindsay’s above the entire human race – she’s above us all, because she’s a queen – living her truth on the wondrous shores of Mykonos.
Does @LindsayLohan even know who Samantha Jade is? haha #MaskedSingerAU
— Ali Daher (@aliiscoollike) September 30, 2019
See?! Ali gets me.
Anyway, this thirst trap is me AF watching the robot. He’s now my numero uno fantasy.
I have a feeling I’ll be screaming “take it off” even after Cody Simpson/Darren McMullen have taken off their masks #MaskedSingerAU
— Andrew Bucklow (@ACBucklow) September 30, 2019
Twitter then scrambled to find national drink names after it was revealed that Alien had a cute lil’ drink named after them.
Nobody:
Literally nobody:
me googling drinks named after Australians artists #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/5aBIcxWlJb
— oru 🧚🏽♂️ (@0rumara) September 30, 2019
A drink named after them in every pub around Australia?
Maggie Beer. Maggie Beer is the alien. #MaskedSingerAU
— JC (@JCRedV4) September 30, 2019
But it turned out to be my girl Nikki Webster.
Nikki, I need to let you know that before the season started I ranked the 12 masked singers by how horny they made me, and I put you as number one. This is what I wrote:
Now, I’m extremely comfortable with my homosexuality but I just wanted to let you know that I still stand by what I said.
Anyway, stream Xanax on IGTV and Strawberry Kisses on Spotify. They fucking slap.
See you next episode for another article entirely dedicated to the wonders of Miss LiLo and nothing else.
Ciao for now.
