Guys we had QUITE the good episode of Love Island Australia last night. There was a strip show, a spicy hook up – and finally, Jaxon-not-his-real-name the sexy Sons Of Anarchy clone entered the villa and beelined straight for sweet Cassidy.

Easily the greatest moment came with the big reveal of Jaxon’s extremely large rip-off SOA back tattoo.

This will never be a regret

My Editor Josie swears she already knew about this, but WHATEVER! I didn’t see it in the promos and I was BRAIN BROKEN over it. I thought for sure it was a large transfer tatt, which is weird enough in and of itself. But no, it is REAL, folks.

SOA copied ME ok

According to Jax (I can’t even take myself seriously calling him Jax THAT IS NOT YOUR REAL NAME), a “crazy fan” offered him $25,000 to get it done for real. I call bullshit, and so did Erin – she took to the diary room to be like “ummmm no that doesn’t sound like a real story”. AGREE.

Sounds fake

Anyway, odd-back-tatt aside, Jaxon is actually the sweetest angel alive. He went pretty hard at Cassidy who seems mildly afraid of him, but hey – the guy’s been watching the action from the sidelines, of course he’s going to come in and have his eye on someone from the get-go. Just play it a bit cooler ok, Jax?

In fairness, he was pretty much SWARMED by the other villa folks as soon as he arrived, and bombarded with terrifying questions like “HAHAHA WHO DO YOU LIKE!?!?!?! HAHAHA WHO WOULD YOU TAKE TO THE HIDEAWAY!?!?!?! WHO’S HOTTER ME OR HER!!!!???” So you can’t blame the guy for feeling overwhelmed and revealing his deepest, darkest secrets. Honestly a new form of interrogation should just be a surprise attack of Love Island contestants screaming questions in a suspect’s face.

“TRUTH OR DARE WHO WOULD YOU FUCK”

Anyway Jaxon’s best moment came during the strip show, which was 1000% planned to show off his skills. Basically the women had scary contraptions on their wrists that monitored their heart rate, and at the end the contraptions told them who raised their heart rate the most.

Elias won, likely because he looked fucking TERRIFYING, like a murderous cowboy.

Wait are you here to knife me or turn me on

Just as a side note, Grant is such a pissbaby and you could see his rage at the fact his gf Tayla‘s heart rate rose the most for Elias. He was FUCKED UP about it, the giant child man.

You can pinpoint the moment his dick shrivelled up

Anyway, Elias won and instead of doing a Grant, Jaxon was SO gracious and congratulated Elias, and didn’t seem miffed at all. Like guys, this is his ENTIRE CAREER. And he lost! But he was okay about it!

Elias took Millie into the hideaway instead of current partner Francoise, which obviously didn’t go over well.

Aaaaand nothing interesting happened after that, the end.

WAIT SHIT GUYS I almost forgot that the most boring person ever LEFT the villa! John James (Jobius Jomson/Jamberoo Jilbers/who cares) had a big pissy baby cry because he absolutely knew next re-coupling he’d be booted, so instead of allowing himself to experience one iota of emasculating rejection, he had a tanty and walked out. He didn’t even say goodbye to the women, because he “didn’t want to make a scene”, even though he himself made an incredibly dramatic scene by corralling the men into one room to say hooroo. Yeah ok.

“bro I don’t want the chicks to go all hysterical over me hey, I’ll just make an enormous scene with the blokes only”

Honestly I hate all of these people except Jax and Cassidy bye.

Image: Channel Nine