Strap yourselves in, Star Wars fans. It’s time to get some backstory on some of our fave characters before we dive head-first into the upcoming release, Solo: A Star Wars Story. While the newest flick has some familiar characters (despite being much younger and, you know, different actors), we’ll also be introduced to some new faces, some of who we know very little about.
Conveniently, we stumbled across some of the crew’s online dating profiles, so let’s dive into the nitty-gritty and suss out just who we’ll be watching on May 24th.
Nickname: Han Yolo
Star Sign: Virgo
Turn-ons: Smuggling; taking down the Empire; the Rebellion.
Turn-offs: Being captured by Sith Lords; carbonite; getting stabbed.
Bio: Hey guys, Han here. Just seeing what’s out there, not looking for anything too serious because my last love interest did me dirty. I sense great things in my future, I’m not worried about death at all. I have an inkling that I’ll live a long, fruitful life and die of natural causes. I rescued my good friend Chewbacca from imprisonment, but I don’t really like to talk about it because it looks like I’m bragging. People are always telling me what a selfless deed it was, and I’m like ‘guys, seriously, if you keep mentioning it I’ll get a big head’. So embarrassing. Unique hairstyles and royalty a big plus.
Nickname: Chewie, Chew-Chew-Magoo
Star Sign: Aries
Turn-ons: Smuggling, just like my bestie Han; fighting the Empire with my bestie Han; being mostly incoherent.
Turn-offs: Losing the Millenium Falcon; forming full sentences.
Bio: I’m really just looking for love, so time-wasters to the back of the line pls. Originally from Kashyyyk, I’m a Wookiee so if you have a problem with inter-species relationships don’t even bother messaging me. My favourite activities are when me and Han just hang out and chew the fat really. I’m super nervous, this rando called Tobias Beckett has asked me and Han to join his crew, so I’m in desperate need of a distraction so I don’t overthink it. That’s where you come in 😉
Nickname: Cal, Childish Gambino
Star Sign: I honestly don’t know, Saggitaurus or something?
Turn-ons: Loves me a round or two of sabbac (if I win); smuggling; piloting the Millennium Falcon; playing cards; wearing capes.
Turn-offs: Losing the Millennium Falcon in a game of sabbac.
Bio: I like to think of myself as a witty card shark, but I don’t let my sense of humour or low-key gambling addiction define who I am as a person. I’ve been called a smooth-talker before, but that isn’t necessarily a positive or a negative attribute; I’ll let you make up your own mind with that one. I know my way around a blaster, so if you find that intimidating we might not be compatible. My dream girl would be a markswoman, but I’m open to anything.
Nickname: Qi-Qi, Quinoa
Star Sign: Star signs are a bunch of hooey
Turn-ons: Staying alive; the finer things in life.
Turn-offs: People assuming me and Han are a thing.
Bio: Han and I go way back, but we’re not an item so just get that out of your head right now. I’m a free agent and I refuse to be tied down at the moment. The right person could change that though. I’ve had it pretty rough, but I’ve prevailed and come out the other side a sophisticated and refined lass. Not a big fan of playing games. Can throw down with the best of them, come at me.
Star Sign: Cancer
Turn-ons: Criminal activities; enticing others to join in my criminal activities; scheming.
Turn-offs: Internet dating profiles (my friends forced me); being an open book.
Bio: All I’m willing to say is that I’m a survivor. What did I survive? Let’s meet IRL and I’ll tell you. I prefer coffee over small talk online any day of the week.
Catch Solo: A Star Wars Story in cinemas May 24th and revisit the trailer in all its glory below:Image: Youtube / Solo: A Star Wars Story