I don’t know what just happened but let’s try and figure this one out together.

The Love Note

So Elora tells her gals she’s received a love letter from American Jared and she’s absolutely chuffed by it. It’s a sweet gesture. Obvs, Ali hops over to Jared and says how much of a sweetie pie he is and Jared’s face says, “is this weird Aussie slang?”

The music swells. Whodunit? Simone?

“She’s not that stupid?” American Jared says. And you’re right, she’s not.

Turns out, it’s  E D E N. 

Eden, who thinks it’s brilliant, who wants a thank you from Jared, who is the last person to realise it was a fucking stupid idea of a joke, and who now gets the left swipe from every woman in Australia. But what did you expect from a man who thinks an unwanted food fight means flirting?

You’d think Eden would get the boot but no because Elora gives him her rose. Elora rewards him for humiliating her. Elora, why?

Producer stitch-up?

The Other Ones

Now this happens.

Remember when Michael totally dogged the boys and gave his rose to Lisa (who’s been chilling with Luke) and that whole kerfuffle happened? Yeah, so tonight Michael put his rosy heart on the line and asked if there was a future with Lisa, who looked like a deer in headlights.

Lisa pulled the delicious line, “There’s a girl out there for you and I know that’s not me,” or something like that – I was too busy cringing. Michael, being a quality bloke, respected her decisions, pulled over our fave man-bun-producer-who-always-wears-singlets and called it quits.

He was the first determined man in paradise, he gave it a go, but not everyone can be a Sam and a Tara. Michael cops a fare-well montage but no one else really cares.

Then Lisa, with the knowledge that she’s apparently found a bloody keeper, tells Luke she’s ready to leave Total Drama Island and test their relationship in the real world. (She also has work commitments but yeah, Luke too.) Luke, like a good chunk of men, just wants to chill and continue their time in paradise.

Lisa says I’m “30 years of age”, she knows what she wants and right now, she’s had enough of Fiji so she decides to leave. Luke is absolutely shooketh and this happens.

He also says, “I know i’ve found this incredible woman and I don’t see myself with anyone else but…” but nothing.

Luke huffs and puffs and blows his commitment-fear-walls down and they depart paradise.

Oh yeah, Canadian Thomas Perras washes up looking all modelly and chiselled but he strikes out three times and gets the boot because of the Elora/Eden fiasco. The producers are like “oh what the fuck,” too and according to the previews, appear to bring Canadian Thomas back. That, or it’s Flo. 

And now tweets, because I’m still confused.

Yep, good stuff.

Image: Channel 10