It’s another year and another bevy of white women have flocked to a mystical Sydney mansion to find love on ‘The Bachelor‘.
We’re only a week in but there are already clear favourites.
Betting sites have placed Georgia Love-lookalike Laura Byrne at $1.60 and naturopathy student slash model Lisa Carlton at $4, while odds of office admin worker Simone Ormsher (who has previously partied with Australia’s Thirstiest Man, Shane Warne) winning Matty J‘s heart are at a yuge $51.
Regardless of who comes out on top, all of these women now have something in common: the public’s interest. Appearing on The Bachelor is a surefire way to get your mug on the Daily Mail, even if just for a week or two. It’s also a fantastic way to gain precious followers (and trolls) on Instagram.
Prepare for a large volume of selfies in one area… because here’s a definitive list of where to find every single Bachelor hopeful on the World Wide Web. Don’t say we don’t do anything for you.
LAURA BYRNE
Front-runner Byrne has two Insta accounts: her personal one, @ladyandacat and her jewellery account, @tonimay. Thankfully, they’re both public.
This is purely speculative, and I sadly have no inside word, but her personal account was created on July 8. Could this be because she won, and she’s preparing for the impending media career that no doubt awaits her? Time will tell, but I feel this one in my loins.
LISA CARLTON
Carlton’s looks are strong and so is her social following.
32.3 thousand people currently follow her feed, which is a health-conscious mix of acai bowls and green juices, selfies and exercise pics.
JENNIFER HAWKE
https://www.instagram.com/p/BQhjIeBgsPh/?taken-by=jolfie
This year’s Keira comes in brunette form, and judging by the first few eps, her tongue’s far more acidic than her predecessor (since when did grown women bullying other women become appropriate prime time entertainment? I digress).
Hawke’s got a radio emoji in her bio. No prizes to whoever can guess her next career move.
NATALIE HOLMBERG
Holmberg made headlines when she joked that seeing Matty J topless “turned [her] straight again,” after being in a nine month relationship with a woman. Interpret that how you will, but one thing is for sure: she’s a good sport. Her fabulously dorky dancing in the last ep’s photoshoot challenge proved that.
COBIE FROST
https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ19O2dBIcE/?taken-by=littlemissfrost
Frost is the cute, enthusiastic one who made an entrance by sucking back a helium balloon upon entry to the house. I also immediately like her because her name reminds me of colby cheese. The Sydney-sider is a fan of activities and sportz, which is reflected in her gramstagram.
SIMONE ORMESHER
https://www.instagram.com/p/BW_97A6hroL/?taken-by=simone.ormesher
If you believe the odds, Ormesher’s chances of stealing Matty J’s heart are slim. That said, her Insta suggests she has struck up a friendship with ‘Tahitian princess’ Elora Murger in the house, which is a nice consolation prize.
ELORA MURGER
Murger made waves (literally) early on when she was chosen to experience the first with a one-on-one date with Matty J.
The dolphins, boats and selfies that made up that first romantic moment between the pair quite suited Elora’s free-spirited, fire-twirling energy. Log in and feel it yourself on her Instagram, @eloratahiti.
TARA PAVLOVIC
Anyone with a last name that close to Australia’s favourite dessert is a winner, in our eyes. Reports espouse Pavlovic makes the top 5.
ALIX MCDERMOTT
You know how from the first episode, there’s usually someone who you pick as your favourite. I don’t know what it is exactly, but McDermott is my favourite. The fact that I got her in the office sweeps probably helps. The 24-year-old body painter also posts a fair bit of her work on Instagram which is worth a squiz.
SIAN KELLY
https://www.instagram.com/p/BO08qonjwbJ/?taken-by=hungreyes
Woah, Sian Kelly, bamalam.
Kelly is studying to become a personal trainer and she posts a fair whack of bikini selfies. All the power to her, provided she wears sunscreen.
ELISE STACY
Former Hockeyroos star Elise Stacy has been branded the ‘dark horse’ this season, after photos of a fun-looking, hockey-based date with MJ surfaced. We reckon she might be one to look out for.
FLORENCE ALEXANDRA
https://www.instagram.com/p/BPW3WqMjMvY/?taken-by=florencealexandras
Judging by her Instagram, Alexandra has clearly been bitten by a particularly potent Wanderlust bug.
BELINDA RYGIER
Belinda Rygier, better known as Belinda Love on Instagram, has been a firm favourite of PEDESTRIAN.TV‘s since the moment she walked the red carpet. Why? Because her interaction was very easy to dub to make it sound like she was farting. She has also provided us with much entertainment via her Sexpo audition tape we wrote about earlier today. We love you, Belinda.
ELIZABETH DUNCAN
Okay, I know this is bad, but I literally don’t remember this contestant?
SHARLENE MIK
https://www.instagram.com/p/BOMuJ6yjM-x/?taken-by=sharlenemik
Mik is a wedding planner from Victoria. What you mightn’t know about her is that she’s a bikini competitor. You know, those people who do those funny poses on stage covered in Dorito dust. Literal commitment goals.
STEPHANIE BOULTON
On Channel Ten‘s website, they describe Boulton as “outrageous and sassy” which is making me laugh and I don’t know why.
LEAH COSTA
Costa is best known for entering the competition and immediately fucking shit up. Like walking up the red carpet and tousling the living gel outta Matty J’s hair, a move that would have given Osher a conniption. She also provided us with the most fantastically-cringe moment in the season so far when she was denied a pash by bachie.
MICHELLE PAXTON
https://www.instagram.com/p/BLa3R0YjYz5/?taken-by=missmpax
This top cop copped the top honour when she was gifted the first rose in the first ever rose ceremony.
MONICA BROWN (EVICTED)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BPyvVdJAIuW/?taken-by=monicabrown28
Evicted? Is that what they call it on The Bachelor? Not sure, but sadly this was Brown’s fate after the first rose ceremony.
STACEY SIMPSON (EVICTED)
The self-confessed “serial pageant competitor” didn’t make it past the first episode. We wish her more luck in her upcoming pageants.
LAURA-ANN WOOD (EVICTED)
The thing I love most about Wood is the way she reacted to not receiving a rose in the first ceremony. She dyed her hair blonde, escaped to Italy and posted a pic of the televised moment to her Instagram with the hashtags #ex and #ifyouarereadingthisitstoolate. You cannae make this shiteth up.
And to those of you who have made it to the end of this article: congratulations. You are true Bachelor fans. May your love life be far less tumultuous than this season.
