It’s a corker day to be writing about The Bachelor again, hoo roo.
[jwplayer z25Jd4AY]
We open with HB – and I have confirmed this – saying “The birds are twerking“, before taking Brittany, Sophie, Dasha and Brooke out for a day racing cars. The MVP for this group date gets some one-on-one time with ya boii, and a box of avocados. #somillenial.
As they fang it towards him, he genuinely asked Osher to hold his hand. Or at least we think it’s genuine. We choose to think it’s genuine. If they could walk off into the sunset together at the end of this season, we’d be quite pleased tbh.
Before this car date is over: is nick hoping they’ll fall I-rev-ocably in love with him?
I’m here all week folks. #TheBachelorAU
— Alex Anastassiou (@alexanasta_) September 13, 2018
Nick doing the “high noon” fingers, me holding my balls as the cars hurtle towards us at 100kmh #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/sH4OZewhb2
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) September 13, 2018
They’re blindfolded and trying to drive to his instructions – but Dasha doesn’t know how to drive a manual car, a recipe for disaster. And then they’re reversing and flicking or something, and Sophie goes for it, and wins the time.
He gives her a rose in the box of avocadoes – he’s a man of his word, our Badge – because they seem to be genuinely vibing each other. And they pash with tongue, awwwwww.
Cue #somillenial avocado jokes:
Step aside, Tiffany’s. Nothing says “I love you” like a box of Avocados. #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/5Tv7wAGeOb
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) September 13, 2018
Asking for a millennial: how can you have a box of avocados AND a mansion? #TheBachelorAU
— katie arjona (@katiethegreaty1) September 13, 2018
Fun fact: Sophie actually sold that box of avos and bought a terrace house in Newtown with the money. #TheBachelorAU
— Edwin Smith (@edwin_smith1) September 13, 2018
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Jamie-Lee scores herself a single date. When the time comes it’s all awkward racial politics and maybe not totally culturally sensitive music because they’re gonna play samurai (!!!). Jamie-Lee doesn’t want to play samurai.
https://twitter.com/Nannchez/status/1040183575558021120
Trust me I pitched it. #TheBachelorAU https://t.co/l0To2b5Vyw
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) September 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/hannahmicheles1/status/1040181074477740032
I have a dirty mind so what I’m thinking is that sword yet again is a surrogate for his penis – he can’t wait to get his “hands on [his] weapon, and wheel it around“.
But what the internet sees is mostly that Cummins seems to blatantly be doing activities from his bucket list, rather than romantic date things that help you get to know an almost-complete stranger.
Is Nick just ticking things off his bucket list and using these dates as a excuse #TheBachelorAU
— Jessica (@Cupperzzz) September 13, 2018
Nick says he’s using these activities to find qualities in the girls, when in reality he just wants to play ninja, hang out at a speedway and play with dangerous reptiles. #TheBachelorAU
— Michelle 🐿💨 (@MichelleMackey1) September 13, 2018
I bet the next date will be watching every #starwars movie! #thebachelorau pic.twitter.com/b3rBXcgZuV
— Heather (@impossible_cut) September 13, 2018
Jamie-Lee and Nick reach the sit down and talk about your feelings portion of the evening and *crickets*.
Nick & Jamie Lee: #thebachelorau pic.twitter.com/LJCuNAA9Ii
— AtomicNicky (@AtomicNicky) September 13, 2018
When Jamie-Lee returns, she’s distressed because she bloody knows she cooked it, and tells the gals as much. Cass feels bad for her.
I’m sorry but honestly? Cass is too sweet and good for anyone #TheBachelorAU stop tryna make her look “crazy” or “obsessed” when she’s actually just kind
— geeta. ✨ (@bored_ignored) September 13, 2018
But she would also like to remind the nation/the person she is comforting that she has never had a single date herself so she can’t fully understand how Jamie-Lee is feeling.
HEY CASS, WE KNOW.
https://twitter.com/smiletaegi/status/1040184318549585921
Ok new drinking game, every time Cass says I haven’t been on a single date yet you drink.. #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/3cGSLBx0xV
— Smac (@my_side_kicks) September 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/5secsofsammy/status/1040184327038951424
https://twitter.com/CherieNBenni/status/1040184286190530560
‘I know it’s hard I mean I personally don’t know because I haven’t had a single date but YOU KNOW’ omg cass #TheBachelorAU
— Jessica (@Cupperzzz) September 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/beginaus/status/1040184097228742656
https://twitter.com/DaisySandybanks/status/1040184142703423490
https://twitter.com/ToshGreenslade/status/1040184168582246400
BREAKING. EXCLUSIVE.
Cass has not yet had a single date. More news as it comes to hand.#TheBachelorAU
— Ladbrokes.com.au (@ladbrokescomau) September 13, 2018
Cass resisting the urge to say she hasn’t been on a single date #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/kmzlrKRzwW
— Danni (@danni_wanders) September 13, 2018
Still:
I’m sorry but honestly? Cass is too sweet and good for anyone #TheBachelorAU stop tryna make her look “crazy” or “obsessed” when she’s actually just kind
— geeta. ✨ (@bored_ignored) September 13, 2018
Tenille decides that tonight she must address how the Lie Guy yesterday told Nick she was distant. She does that by saying that if he really liked her he ought to do more to encourage her to open up, which obviously he can’t do when he has eight other women to attend to.
So she cries because she feels like her ousting is inevitable. She chooses to leave to save her dignity, HB walks her to the car, Osher has to tell the other girls because Bach has just headed home on his own. There is no rose ceremony, but plenty of crying. And somehow Jamie-Lee stays to fight another day.
Nick has a point. He can’t really come and weight on her hand and foot. It’s a weird situation #TheBachelorAU
— ViVi B (@ViVi_RFObsessed) September 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/Flutterfly15/status/1040186981030887424
Tenille: I just feel like my days are numbered and I should save myself the dignity
Nick: yeah righto I’ll walk you to the car #TheBachelorAU— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) September 13, 2018
Tenille: Nick, I have to leave
Producer, whispering furiously in Nick’s ear: “She’s gonna scaddadle mate. Hoo roo. Look devo” #TheBachelorAU— Kev (@SC_Kev7) September 13, 2018
Until next week, lovebirds.
#TheBachelorAU there’s not enough superlatives to describe how dapper @oshergunsberg looks here pic.twitter.com/JhtgKqDZEf
— Dame Kittness (@SoftKittyWarm) September 13, 2018
