Black Thought – aka Tarik Trotter – of The Roots, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon‘s house band, has very kindly composed a rap to get you completely up to speed with the Jurassic Park franchise if you’re one of those freaks who doesn’t rewatch all of the movies once every few months (that’s on you, mates).
Tell me more.
Starting with the original, 1993’s Jurassic Park, starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum, all the way to 2015’s Jurassic World, featuring Chris Pratt, Trotter spits out all the main plot lines – just in case you don’t have time to watch four films before you head to the cinema for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on June 21.
It all went down on Monday night’s episode:
Another fun coinky-dink is that this week marks the 25th anniversary of the OG film, which many of us fondly remember watching late at night on free-to-air TV every few years in the ’90s and ’00s/on a hand-labelled VHS tape/streamed on an Apple TV on New Years’ Day this year while really hungover.
Anyway, the internet has unanimously agreed that the high point of that movie is this shot:
Who is your daddy?
The Tonight Show has kindly shared the full lyrics of Trotter’s dinosaur epic. Who else forgot that William H Macy was in one of these? Square brackets PTV‘s.
Jurassic Park (1993)
Let’s start with the first film, I’ll tell you what I know
Hammond [the actual legit Richard Attenborough] is the man demanding bringin’ back dinos
He opens up a park, there ain’t nobody to veto…
The plan to resurrect them with the blood of mosquitoes
There’s raptors in the kitchen, but I don’t wanna spoil it
…just know the lawyer [Martin Ferrero] gets eaten on the toilet
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
This couldn’t happen twice – yep, I’m afraid so
That mean T. rex makes a quest to San Diego
He goes on a rampage, and the city is so doomed
But here to save the day is none other than Goldblum [Did you remember that Julianne Moore played his girlfriend in this? Now you do]
Jurassic Park III (2001)
Third time’s a charm, so get ready for chase scenes
Doctor Grant [SAM NEILL, BABY] is back to help William H Macy
Jurassic World (2015)
Fourteen years later, and it’s onto the next
They invent a hybrid dino called Indominus rex
The boys jump in a gyrosphere, their chances are flimsy
Even though they watched the safety video with Jimmy [Fallon, duh]
So Claire [Bryce Dallas Howard] and Owen Grady [Pratt] gettin’ in on the action
While pterosaurs are flying down and tryna grab ‘em
What have we learned? Well, the kingdom has fallen
And… maybe hold it in if nature is callin’
Unsurprisingly, considering Fallon may be the second most enthusiastic man on American television – after Steve Harvey – he fucking loved every second of that song: “That’s what I’m talking ’bout,” he cried. And Trotter for his part was pretty pleased as well.
Nailed it.Image: Getty Images / Andrew Lipovsky