About a million school-yard insults were yodelled across the island on Bachelor in Paradise tonight as Florence and Jake went on their date and Davey threw a tanty. Oh, and Brett is seeing Steph on the outside. It isn’t Facebook official but still 100 per cent counts so surprise, surprise Brexit 2.0 happened. Oh yeah, and in case you’re still shocked – Flo really did just pick Jake.
So Flo pretty much gave Aus all the signs that Jake’s a major fuckboi and though they’re like “magnets” he’s definitely not rose material. They still have a saucy date though and Jake feels super confident when he returns to the playground and Davey calls him a pig.
Tara’s role so far has been Switzerland, the middle woman, the messenger as she delivers the goods to Davey that he still might have a chance with Flo. Tara’s doing The Bachie gods’ work and they pay her back by everyone shittin’ on her for sticking up for Brett.
Yep, that’s the other half of tonight’s trouble in paradise.
Tara needs to retain her girl-next-door-best-super-nicest-person-ever card so she insists she’s not pressuring anyone to keep Brett in da game. Then she feels really bad about it and cries into the ocean.
But Tara, you’re allowed to be a shit person, that’s why we’re watching this.
The producer rocks up in shorts and a singlet and hits Brett up about being single so Brett decides to give a lesson on modern dating.
“Mate, I’ve been seeing Steph for the past year. Is it Facebook official? No.”
High-school, we’re in high-school.
So Jake, Brett, and Davey.
#BachelorInParadise i’m not either team Davey or Jake. I’m team drama
— Jonathan Lin (@jonobromonobro) March 26, 2018
Me.
Anyway, Davey hops into the garden and picks some flowers for Flo which makes her change her mind another ten times but alas, if it’s not a rose, it ain’t a rose. Flo once again picks Jake (!!!!!!!!!!!) and Davey is shook as is everybody else, especially Tara. Oh and nobody picks Brett because he. has. a. girlfriend.
Here are some tweets that sum up the night.
https://twitter.com/Roch_nRolla/status/978212991949664256
“We’re not Facebook official?” There’s literally nowhere in the world I’d want to be less than this island #BachelorInParadise
— Rachel Corbett (@RachelCorbett) March 26, 2018
Why would you go on a show for singles if you’ve been seeing someone for a year? #BachelorInParadise
— Liz (@Lizz_Melanie) March 26, 2018
Inspo for Blake & Laurina’s date. #BachelorInParadise pic.twitter.com/K4FIX8DAwB
— Xantre Mac (@xantremac) March 26, 2018
Bachelor Paradise legend and dirty pie hater, Laurina, her date-card, and man-child Sam also wash up on the island. Then Laurina swaps Blake 1 for Blake 2. Blake 2 will now be known as Blake 2.0.
Laurina scored their date 6.2/10 and that’s all you need to know about that date.
Also this,
https://twitter.com/emwattz/status/978202667590627329
Catch ya next time.