‘BACHIE’ RECAP: Demon Daniel Has Risen From Hell To Suck Bulk Souls / Daiquiris

Bachelor In Paradise Recap

After a very dramatic episode of Bachelor In Paradise yesterday – in which Alisha slammed Jules for being an absolute trash receptacle of a human before caving and giving him the rose instead of poor, sweet Wes who hadn’t even been there long enough to unpack his bag – the scene was set for a very interesting turn of events tonight.

[jwplayer cYRrlbK0]

We had Alisha unsure about Jules, Tenille about ready to call the police on Stage 5 Clinger and lapdancing enthusiast Ivan, Flo almost finished her chick-lit novel… all it needed was a demon to rise from the underworld to make things extra zesty.

As always, me (Josie, Pedestrian’s Head of Editorial) and Mel (Senior Style / Features Editor) are here to recap the shit out of proceedings… helped along by a few public holiday beverages, just quietly.

MEL: Okay so I’m still dirty that Alisha chose Jules in yesterday’s rose ceremony. But also, I super related to that convo she had with Alex Nation and Flo. Flo was right, we have all been there – making a decision with our heart even though we know we are almost certainly gonna get hurt.

JOSIE: Yeah, I wrote down in my notes that Flo made a lot of sense during that convo. She’s always so blunt and to the point which I enjoy about Flo. She didn’t judge, was just like ‘Look, you went with your heart not your head and here we are.’ But I agree with you Mel, I’m still so dirty at our mate Alisha too. Don’t make a stupid decision and then go around moaning about it. Own your choices, Alisha! Especially because she was like ‘Ugh I need a new mannnn’. Doll there was one RIGHT THERE. A cute ponytailed one named Wes.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
Literally no one:     Alisha: ‘OMG BUT JULESSSSS’

MEL: Wes was SO cute. But whatever, she made her choice. I will tell you something I do love? Bachie bringing back Daniel. He was such a demon but so entertaining. I don’t care if he is a horrible person, that island needed a shake up and he will absolutely bring it I reckon. I thought his date with Alisha was super cute.

JOSIE: See I thought it was disgusting, I did not need to see their tongues stabbing each other repeatedly. Nor did I need them to make sexual comments about the girth of bamboo.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
soul-sucking weapon launched

But I did like that they went on a date, and I do adore Demon Daniel. He’s not actually a real person, that’s why he is so amusing to me. He’s a Reality TV Villain construct and I adore it, and his presence. The constant b-roll footage of snakes while he was talking was just so on the nose. Because he is a human snake, after all.

Sssssomebody stop me

Also, Alex Nation calling him a ‘condom filled with peanuts’ is the greatest descriptor I think I’ve ever heard.

MEL: Hahahahaha the best description ever. Yeah look it was gross in a “TMI” way but I think Alisha needed a hot guy giving her attention to remind her that a) she’s a babe and a half and b) Jules isn’t the only guy who will be keen on her. And I liked how much fun they had. But it was deffo rebound shit. I was extra pissed when Jules took her aside when she got back and won her over in about 0.92 seconds.

‘omg guys there were rice crackers on this date’

JOSIE: With yet another stupid ~ quirky ~ date. The bloke makes my skin crawl. What was funny to me that while Alisha was out with Demon Daniel, Jules sought advice from Bill, the King Fuckboy of the island, about how to not be a dickhead anymore. It kills me that these women don’t kick these terrible men to the kerb when they have the chance! It kind of irritates me that they say one thing but then act another way – case in point Tenille who was literally lying in a hammock cuddled up with Ivan while telling him to show zero affection to her, please.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
omg do NOT touch me ivan you big loser

MEL: Oh my godddd yes, I could not with Tenille telling Ivan to pull back while basically straddling him and stroking his abs. Her words? Absolutely correct, the guy is TOO MUCH TOO SOON and needs to cool it but also it’s totally unfair to say “give me space” while your naked limbs are entangled and you’re staring googly eyed at the guy. I am not in any way on Team Ivan, but that was mean.

JOSIE: I couldn’t believe that I was actually seeing Ivan’s point for once – talk about mixed messages. When she’s like ‘I just need him to give me some space’, I was yelling at the screen ‘well get up and walk away then doll’. It’s like we said, these girls like to complain but also like the attention a bit too. One moment that did hurt my heart was Zoe‘s chat with Nathan.

MEL: Oh god, that was awful. I felt for her so bad and I was like “yessss bitch!” When she told him off for wasting her time and acting like he was keen when he wasn’t at all. She handled it so well. I like Nathan but it was a douche move leading Zoe on for so long.

JOSIE: I know, I was upset because I really like Nathan and was cross at him for doing that to Zoe. But how good was she?! “Just go, Nathan.” Then calling him a waste of space under her breath, just incredible areas.

Bachelor In Paradise recap
omg, like, this is, like, so, like, hectic

I still think Nathan is an idiot for not taking Tenille on that date when he had the chance. Come to think of it, there was a lot of big talk from various people in this episode about “exploring other connections” but then just they just proceeded to sit around squinting into the sun.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
gonna get out there and make some connections

MEL: Christ, is anyone going to take Tenille on a date? Nathan AND Demon Daniel both talked big game about asking her out and just… didn’t. I know Ivan was super controlling but he didn’t seem like he was genuinely going to rip their faces off. I was really glad that Tenille FINALLY told Ivan to fuck off. It needed to happen. And she did a good job, even though for the week prior she gave him every idea that she was a sure bet. Is it bad that I felt for the guy? He looked so shattered.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
but who will i shake my genitalia at now

JOSIE: Yeah, like I’m sure if they took her on a date Ivan just would have sulked or done another anxiety dance, and not actually punched them in the dick. But Christ alive, he was so gutted when she finally cut things off. I did think it was quite funny when the producer was like “And… how long have you known Tenille?” and he’s like *sniffs* “About a week”. Everything is very magnified on a reality show, I know, but he was like very extremely heartbroken.

MEL: Hahahaha totally, perspective – he knew her 7 days. And in that time for at least 3 she was being distant and flirting with Nathan. He was being a controlling psychopath and I do not condone! But he clearly really liked her.

a drink for each chin quiver

Also weird – I really liked Bill’s level of support for Ivan. He was really mature and a good ear for Ivan’s bitching – which was absolutely immature big baby bitching. Like how did he turn Tenille choosing to end their relationship with “she was being selfish”. What??

JOSIE: 1. Why the hell was Bill suddenly the wise sensei for all these men to confide in and 2. Why did he keep calling everyone “rooster”? It was all very unsettling. So back to Demon Daniel who was completely unruffled that Alisha sucked face with Jules five seconds after returning from their sexy raft date. As soon as he copped another date card I said to Julien (my bf who watched last season but not this season but after 2 min of watching today was completely caught up): “Daniel is gonna take Flo and then in the meantime Davey will come back!” I have been calllliiinnnngggg it, Mel!

MEL: You have been! You have called Davey coming back the moment he walked out of that place. I can’t wait to see how Flo reacts but even more so – I can’t believe Osh told the whole group, including Connor, of Shannon’s secret love for Davey too. I know connor knew to a degree but STILLLLL Shannon looked like she wanted to become one with the Earth at that point. I can’t wait for this trash fire of a return.

Bachelor In Paradise Recap
*wills Osher’s head to explode*

JOSIE: I knowwww, she was so awkward! Like she wanted to mutter “Oshshutupnooneknowsthat”. I cannot wait for the absolute regulation council garbage bin of a relationship that will be Flo and Davey. With Demon Daniel just drifting around sucking out souls at random. Bring on next week – the final week!

Love Mel and Josie? Read their Game Of Thrones recaps here, or listen to their true crime/mystery podcast, All Aussie Mystery Hour.

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