There’s no two ways about it: Avengers: Endgame is a long-ass movie. With a runtime of 3 hours and 58 seconds, it’s easily the longest movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Given that, and the fact that large stretches of the movie are all action and all important, punters heading into the movie have been facing a rather unique issue: Just when the hell is the best time to take a piss?
It’s a burning question. 181 minutes is a hell of a long time to nurse a bladder full of overpriced cinema post-mix. When’s the right time to make a mad dash for the loo? How can you possibly time a bathroom break while minimising the amount of missed important scenes?
Unfortunately for us, we’re not living in select European countries like Italy or Israel, where the film is being distributed with a very civil intermission in the middle.
ITALY IS VERY CIVILIZED pic.twitter.com/p3eaktAwF7— Gillian Smith Chang (@gillyheartsyou) April 24, 2019
Theater just paused Endgame halfway through for intermission. What the ??? pic.twitter.com/7ugUBmVdg9— Elazar Abrahams (@Elazarta) April 25, 2019
And while some heroes on Twitter are recommending you arm yourself with steel bladders…
When to take pee breaks when you attend “Avengers: Endgame”:— Richard Roeper (@RichardERoeper) April 25, 2019
1. Five minutes before the movie begins.
2. Immediately after the movie ends.
If you have to get up during Avengers: Endgame to pee quit being soft and use a catheter like the rest of us— Brenden Damron (@MoneyBallerBDog) April 25, 2019
So many people "avengers is 3 hours long!? I need an intermission please" I'm like, doesn't your butt just lay there and binge watch netflix series or game of thrones legit all day with only 1 bathroom break!!?? Just dont bring a hotdog in the theater that stinks up the place! ty— łater (@joaqiiboi) April 25, 2019
…the question remains, how does one successfully bleed the lizard during Endgame without stitching themselves right up?
Fortunately, salvation is at hand, thanks to the brave souls who endured the entire length of the film and discovered the ideal piss break moments.
Goes without saying but there’s some mild SPOILERS at hand here. If you’re touchy about that kind of thing, now might be the time to excuse yourselves.
As it turns out, there’s three – possibly four, if you’re keen – moments during Endgame where peeing is advisable. That’s the good news. The bad news is they all come in roughly the first half of the movie.
As pointed out on Twitter, the main three pee break points during the movie are immediately after the San Francisco title card appears, the extended scene featuring some of the Avengers eating lunch, and immediately after the New Jersey title card appears.
There seems to be only 3 good times to pee during #endgame— Jenn Ellis (@jellispants) April 25, 2019
1) when the San Francisco title card displays
2) Hulk has lunch
3) when the NJ title card comes up
Nothing after that and they all accur in the first half
There’s also an additional, slightly riskier, opportunity to hang a slash a little over an hour into the movie when Tony Stark and Pepper Potts have a conversation, but that’s a character-building moment that some fans might not be too keen to skip.
The last hour and a bit of the movie, though, is all go. So if you don’t want to miss anything, you’ll just have to hold it until the credits.
Or, alternatively, you could simply take Paul Rudd‘s advice and piss into an empty popcorn bucket.
The best time to go pee during 'Avengers: Endgame'? Paul Rudd says just pee in your popcorn tub and move on… pic.twitter.com/GUV7aGsf40— Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) April 9, 2019
The choice is yours, really.