Well it’s episode three of Matty J‘s reign as ‘Bachie‘ and everyone is still totally on board – even if it’s mostly to see Leah‘s inevitable comeuppance.
We could pretend to be really into the minutiae of what happened in the house tonight, but let’s just skip straight to the good part.
Matty J took Laura on a single date to hang out around Sydney Harbour even though it seemed more like cuddle-and-watch-a-movie-inside weather. Or better yet, each-read-a-book-in-separate-rooms weather, the ultimate relationship move.
On their date, Bachie and Laura eat grapes and sip wine on a boat – next time skip the grapes and just drink an extra bottle, which would make your conversation far more interesting – and talk about Laura’s transcendental trip to India (thrilling). Then on shore, they decide to draw each other, which is heaps cute, except that Matty J, he who cannot play tennis, can’t draw either.
Anyway Laura’s offended, because in Matty’s drawing she looks like a monster. They talk: he say she’s been on his mind a lot since she “stood out on the red carpet“, and she thinks he has pretty eyes. Laura’s all ‘Whatcha thinkin’ about…?‘, a thing no one who actually has something to say ever says.
And then Matty goes in for the pash: YES, THE FIRST PASH OF THE SEASON.
Pashes on ‘The Bachelor‘, as you well know, are a spectator sport, and there are certain stages that must be passed through. And let’s be honest, the pash goes on for almost a minute, so we definitely have the time to dissect it, if not to make a soundbite out of that weird noise their lips make when they separate.
First we notice the soaring music to set and background the scene:
Omg its the pre kiss music #TheBachelorAU— georgia leaker (@georgetweets2u) August 2, 2017
Then we have excitement from the fans:
OMG IS THAT THE FIRST KISS? #TheBachelorAU— Sohan Judge (@SohanJudge) August 2, 2017
Then we have widespread discomfort – both for Matty J, and for ourselves, watching two strangers kiss on national television:
That awkward first kiss moment where you start sweating and feel like you're going to pass-out was my entire high school. #TheBachelorAU— Dan Anstey (@Dan_Anstey) August 2, 2017
Oh Matty! The number of times he kept swallowing before going in for that first kiss! #TheBachelorAU— ???? (@sporty_lexus) August 2, 2017
That kiss!— Lisa Anderson (@lisj92) August 2, 2017
Still going, okay
Getting awkward now
Ah they've stopped
Nope, back on again
Plz STOP #TheBachelorAU
Then there’s the aftermath:
Not immediately commenting on the quality of the kiss is a big plus in #thebachelorAU world.— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) August 2, 2017
And the inevitable Georgia Love doppelgänger commentary:
No surprises that the first kiss was between him and Georgia Love look alike though ???? #TheBachelorAU— Vicki X'O???? (@badgal_veevee) August 2, 2017
Before finally, we muse on the big questions:
OK I'M CURIOUS. What way do you instinctively tilt your head when you're about to kiss someone? (I blame #TheBachelorAU for this poll)— NATALIE (@NatalieH__xx) August 2, 2017