XBox Apologises For Suggesting The Woman In Your Life Should Stop Knitting And Buy You A Console

Xbox have officially back-flipped on its position that it is amusing to pigeonhole an entire gender of humans as people who are incapable of engaging with gaming because they don’t like to have fun and would rather knit you sweaters (amirite bros?) after the sexism regulators of The Internet mounted up and took exception to a condescendingly worded marketing campaign delivered straight from the 1974 summer edition of What’s Up With Women? magazine. 

This week Microsoft published an email form allowing you to fill in the blanks and convince your significant other of unspecified gender – but clearly the insufferably annoying woman in your life – to buy you an Xbox One for Christmas because you are a broke loser who talks to his girlfriend through emails forms and she is a humourless fun Nazi who keeps your balls in a jam jar and has been systematically killing your friendships, life and ability to feel happiness for years with her draconian rules about gaming.

One particular passage reads: “Not sure if you’ve heard, but Xbox One is now available. That means we
can start playing games like Dead Rising 3. I know, I know. You’d rather
knit than watch me slay zombies, but hear me out on this. Xbox One is
actually for both of us. Seriously.”


Microsoft, coming to their sense and realising that women make up half of the world’s population, have voices, disposable incomes and enjoy playing video games just as much as people with penises do, have today issued a apology, saying: “The letter is customizable and we meant no offense, but understand how the defaults could be perceived…We’re making changes to the letter defaults and apologize for the oversight.” 

The part about knitting now reads “I know. You’d rather do your taxes early than watch me slay zombies.”

With Xbox One and PlayStation 4 currently engaged in a next-gen console duel for the ages, and only one of those brands suggesting that half of their potential consumer base should stop knitting, we will see who does the slaying this Christmas.