If you’re not on Twitter, then I feel sorry for you (actually, I don’t it’s a terrible place, don’t ever go there). BUT it means that you don’t get to see the fantastic threads from former editor of The Toast, Nicole Cliffe – where she asks her followers a simple question and gets inundated with the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever read.
Today, she’s asked her followers what the worst thing they’ve ever eaten is. The only rule is that it can’t be a dish that is meant to be food/a delicacy (like Balut, a Philippino street food that’s literally a baby chick embryo boiled inside the shell and eaten) but actual legit grot, rank, fucked up shit that people have put in their gobs – either by accident or without their knowledge.
Tell me about the worst thing you’ve ever eaten.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) March 12, 2018
Now I must warn you, these responses…they’re fucking gross. There’s no other way to put it. If you thought “oh well it’s probably just people accidentally eating shit” well you’d be correct but also that is just the START of all the horrific junk that people have unfortunately brought into contact with their tastebuds.
Proceed with caution, and maybe a strong stomach.
I used to watch my grandma's father chew tobacco, and when I was a very small child, I thought I found some of his tobacco in the yard. It was goat poop.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) March 12, 2018
Phwoar, no thanks.
Wow. Okay. I haven’t told this story outside of friends/family. We had a puppy. We were in the house making s’mores over the fireplace. It was dark. I dropped my chocolate. What I picked up and put in my mouth was not chocolate. It was dog poop.
— Sarah (@TheTennisstorm) March 12, 2018
The chocolate in s’mores is gooey too, EURGK NO THANK.
My MIL served her family chicken so off, it emerged from the oven a faint green. My husband said it smelled like baked death. He now sniffs everything she serves to him. Which makes her very angry.
— Bess Hamilton (@bess_p_hamilton) March 12, 2018
Sweet jesus are you trying to kill everyone, Sharon???
My older brother thought it would be funny to bring me a "banana smoothie" when I was in bed with a stunning hangover. Took me half a gulp to realise he's substituted banana for canned tuna
— Jenny Noyes (@jennynoise) March 12, 2018
Hangovers are a delicate, terrible time. Drinking a tuna smoothie at the best of times would make me blow chunks. Jesus christ.
OH NO WAIT. Scratch that. One time, in college, I made instant oatmeal in the microwave using water from a Dasani bottle in my fridge. Except it was vodka.
— Seyward Darby (@seywarddarby) March 12, 2018
My grandma was a legendarily bad cook. Her most famous offense: she once started baking a cake and realized she didn’t have any vegetable oil, so she substituted it with strained fish grease leftover from dinner the night before.
— Linds ™️ (@ltoiaivao) March 12, 2018
“…and it was the worst 10th birthday ever.”
The last time I went camping someone accidentally mixed kerosene into the chili on night 1. That was bad enough, but she also had unsymptomatic norovirus. 70 people stuck on an island with only a few portapotties and no way to get home until the ferry came; half got noro.
— ????Irish spring ???? (@LdyGray) March 12, 2018
I mean you *think* this one’s bad and then it just…keeps getting worse?
One night I brought home a drive-thru MacDonalds sundae for my partner & put it on the ground for a moment while I opened the gate in the dark, then picked it up & licked what I thought was a dribble of chocolate sauce off the lid.
IT WAS A SLUG.
— Kate James (@katejames) March 12, 2018
AHHH NO NO NO NO.
an ex bf's mom made us broiled beef heart once, but she put no seasonings of any kind on it (she thought salt was bad for you) and it was left in the oven for hours half-submerged in oil so half of the heart was tasteless un-chewable rubber and the other half was tasteless jello
— Annika ???? Mellies (@ghostbatcomix) March 12, 2018
This has straight-up made my eyes water.
Opened a package of Pop tarts as a kid that were in our pantry (still in their box). Took a bite and noticed something not quite right. The inside was filled with DEAD ANTS. They got into what seemed like a sealed package! *shudder*
— ????????????Blank (@Emilygoestocamp) March 12, 2018
I don’t think I like the direction that Pop Tarts have gone in, tbh.
You’d think Durian candy might be a fun novelty to buy, like it’s named after this horrific fruit but, like, it’s candy so it can’t be too bad, right?
Wrong. Extremely wrong.
— LE Ghostsmith (@friggin_rad) March 12, 2018
UGH NO. Fuck to durians. Fuck to the bad-smelling spiky fruit that I hate so much. They should be abolished.
Airport hotdog that included a tooth inside. Origin and species unknown.
— Bowman (@bowman) March 12, 2018
Wow. No. Just…no.
Anyway, I’m feeling like I’m about to die from trawling through all of these responses.
I can’t even think of the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. Was it dry cat food/kibble when I was a three-year-old? Or was it the cheese and strawberry jam sandwiches my dad used to give me for packed lunch at school which as resulted in me not being able to have butter with ANY sweet spreads?
Good grief, how are we not all dead from accidentally poisoning ourselves, that’s what I wanna know.Image: Touchstone Pictures