In something that absolutely nobody asked for whatsoever, someone has gone and tried to write the worst Adam Sandler film ever, and pretty much hit the nail on the head. Like, this thing sounds terrible.
In an interview last year, Adam Sandler threatened to write the worst possible movie if he didn’t get nominated for an Oscar for Uncut Gems. The movie was omitted when the noms came out in February (a fucking travesty, if you ask me), and while Adam Sandler hasn’t come up with his revenge film yet, a keen Redditor has stepped in with a very-fleshed-out potential film idea.
Redditor ‘LundgrensFrontKick’ detailed everything about his shithouse Sandler movie, from calling it ‘Jacked Up‘ right through to the specifications of how the film’s promotional poster should look.
Brace yourselves, this thing sounds fucken heinous.
Adam Sandler plays a personal trainer/shoe salesman named Jack Goodheart who is married to Janet Goodheart (Also, Sandler, using a very off-putting voice). They travel to an exclusive resort in Costa Rica to attend his 30th high school anniversary during the fourth of July weekend. During the event, Rob Schneider (playing a terrorist) and his team of henchmen, hijack the event and take everyone hostage, including State Senator Chuck Finley (Terry Crews) and presidential candidate Casey Fitzpatrick (Maya Rudolph).
During the melee, Jack and Janet escape, and the two use their past military experience and buff physiques to save the day. This PG-13 action-comedy is entitled “Jacked Up” and ends with a jet ski chase at the hotel’s lazy river pool that circles the hotel. The film is directed by Dennis Dugan, and co-stars Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Terry Crews, Steve Buscemi, Taylor Lautner, Luke Wilson, Peter Dinklage, Maya Rudolph, and Al Pacino.
Sounds god damned terrible and I would absolutely pay money to see it multiple times in a cinema.
Some level of genius comes into this cinematic heap of dogshit though, and it’s the way that LundgrensFrontKick came up with the pitch. They went through all of Adam Sandler’s films on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes, and found patterns through all of the worst-rated films.
Using that information alongside how each movie rated and cherry-picking the tropes in the worst-rated ones, as well as production team that are also rated poorly, they pieced together the frames for Jacked Up.
LundrensFrontKick went the same route with the specifics for the poster, too. They pulled all of the artworks from every Adam Sandler film, sorted into best and worst rated, and then looked at what the common trends were in the films with low scores. Turns out Adam needs to be in is as a full body shot, off centre, holding something that ties to the storyline, and joined by a bunch of other cast members.
And yes, other Redditors took that and ran to the hills with it. Please enjoy the potential artwork for Jacked Up, a film that will never exist even though I now totally fucking want it to.
And now we wait to see if Adam Sandler comes up with anything better/worse.