Cancel your plans for the weekend – sorry brunch, sorry mum – and focus all your energies, chakra and brooding sexual frustration into your newly formed and entirely questionable plans to catch a glimpse of cuckolded five o’clock shadow/actor R-Patz and, if you’re lucky, his doe-eyed scarlet mistress K-Stew, who may or may not be joining the anaemic heartthrob at the first international promotional event for the release of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 Press Junket [Working Title].
When not giving cause for the spontaneous collective combustion of all the ovaries in Sydney, Rob will be on strict no-media promo diet (not sure how that works?) at a Twihard event held at Fox Studios on Monday the 22nd. There will be autographs, inappropriate touching and contractually obliged smouldering. It’s unknown whether or not K-Stew will join him as, depending on who you consult, the two are either firmly back together and have been sealed with kisses, or are still iffy, or who really cares? A jealous, boastful Donald Trump apparently!
Then again, it’s quite obvious she won’t be joining him because Pattinson is reportedly in the air now and Stewart appeared in a web-streamed live-chat at 6am this morning as part of her awkward spokesperson duties for Balenciaga, for whom she fronts the Florabotanica fragrance campaign. If you enjoy a fresh, floral, spring notes, mispronunciation and watching people be obnoxiously awkward in interview environments then I strongly advise you watch the livestream below, which – to give you an indication of how terrible K-Stew is at faking it till she makes it – went for one quarter of its scheduled running time.
If Stewart does join him in Sydney then I will gladly eat my hat, and recommend the couple take in Sculpture By The Sea, which just opened and I’ve heard is a real delight. Maybe they can put those Teen Choice Awards For Being The Ultimate Worst to good use.
Photos by Kevin Winter and Mark Metcalfe for Getty Images