In Australia, The Bachelor has four seasons under its belt, while The Bachelorette has two. You know what that has left us with? A bunch of leftovers who are just waiting to be eaten.
Some ex-contestants have already hooked up – there was Sarah-Mae Amey and Dave Billsborrow who were booted by Tim Robards and Sam Frost respectively, Richie Strahan‘s Megan Marx and Tiffany Scanlon (who were invited to an orgy of short with Gerogia Love‘s Rhys Chilton, Tommy Saggus and a jar of Nutella, mind you), plus other dumpees who have been teasing us with questionable ‘grams and Snaps from an assortment of bachie viewings / immeasurable racing-season hoo-has.
There was even a Family Feud all-stars edition last night that featured a bunch of ’em, and we’ll bet our bottom dollar that they all got fuck-eyed in town afterwards while engaging in borderline-incestual behaviour.
It’s cute and all, but personally I’d prefer to see it come to life while kicking back on my couch with a vino, just as I’ve watched all of Australia’s other great (and not-so-great love stories) unfold.
Look, in the US they’ve capitalised on this opportunity with spinoff shows like Bachelor Pad and Bachelor In Paradise – where they basically rally up the most talked about (think Kiera) or loved show rejects (think Matty J, Nikki) in one destination where they can all lap up each other’s sloppy seconds for their own benefit, maybe even wind up getting engaged at the end of it all. It looks a lil’ something like this:
SO MANY OPTIONS, SO LITTLE TIME
MANY LOVE
Can you just imagine, for a second?
Louise Pillidge having a crack at fireman Cam (lol, don’t bebb)? Courtney and Olena giving each other mental blue balls ’cause they’re about as closed off as Sydney‘s nightlife?
OK, now, better yet, imagine Heather Maltman and Matty J hooking up in Week 1 of the show, before Osher brings in Nikki in Week 2, who’s what Matty J actually wants / needs. He dumps Heather. Falls in love with Nikki. Yep, that’s how Bachelor In Paradise works, dropping the rejects in week by week to test their current hookups, and it could be amazing down under – given that controversy is few and far between on the actual show.
That shit would be one for the ratings, Channel Ten. You’ve already denied us of good editing, overnight dates and overall conflict so please grant us with this one luxury rather than another colossal letdown. Would Oral B really be so opposed to another chance at shameless advertising? We think not.
It’s not as if the concept is completely off the table, though. There is hope. After the success of Frosty’s Bachelorette season last year, Channel Ten’s Stephen Tate said, “They were looking at everything” when it came to spinoffs.
He also suggested that the “After The Final Rose” episode – whereby the winners and ex contestants come together for a cutthroat reunion – was also happening for The Bachelorette Season 2. With Georgia’s mum sick with pancreatic cancer at the time of the show’s conclusion, we can understand why it didn’t go ahead. As for Richie’s season? Probs because he made a big mistake. HUGE. (You’re alright, Alex, but Nikki… me heart, me soul.)
Getting these heartbroken folk together for a smangfest could be just what Australia television needs. I mean, Channel Ten gives us six months of the franchise only to leave a very empty void in our lives for the six months that follow. This would keep us entertained and out of touch with reality in the interim.
Australia’s clearly gagging for it.
Well, at least the ex-contestants and their stagnant Instagram followings are.
