There are three distinct first date personalities, and yes, this is important information. First, we have the overconfident person who takes charge and makes every single decision (often to their own detriment). Next, there’s the passive type. They’re the one who can’t even face choosing their own drink, and you can forget about them recommending the bar you’re meeting in, or something cooler like a paint and sip session.
It goes without saying that most of us are hunting for someone who straddles the line, comfortably falling somewhere in the middle. Sure, they’ll put forward a few restaurant options, but they also won’t be offended if you overrule them. They might suggest a particular bottle of wine, but won’t feel personally victimised if you decide you’re feeling more of a beer vibe. And years down the line, they’ll respect your need to zhush up your house from the moment you move in. Basically, they’re a delight.
But we’re not here to talk about them, nope. We’re here to talk about the passive date. Plagued with indecision, they not only make you do all the hard work to keep the conversation alive, but they may even leave you wondering later if you were, heaven forbid, too ~intense~.
Truthfully, it’s the worst. Plain and simple.
Because while an overbearing date is straight-up irritating and — let’s call it what it is — rude, they’re also easy to spot a mile away. But the indecisive type sneaks up on you. It’s hard to see them coming. And suddenly, you’re an hour into the date and you realise you’ve spent the entire time deciding on the minutiae of your evening.
Is your back sore hun? Carrying that conversation looks heavy.
But what if you’ve just read all of this and realised that you’re, in fact, the indecisive one in this scenario? Well, there’s still no reason to despair. I too, have been known to defer to other people when making a choice. Many, many times. It could be where to eat or where to sit when I get there — and it isn’t just dating either.
I’ve been tossing up what colour to paint my bedroom walls for weeks because they simply must go with my puppy. I get it. In fact, it’s why I need to be with someone who makes quick decisions — it balances me out.
For me, it’s that hum of nerves that runs through me that makes me indecisive. But there’s one piece of advice that’s made it a lot easier to deal with. One day, when I was lamenting to my sister about my social anxiety, how awkward it makes me, and my fear of coming across as bossy or too ~intense~, she said to me: no one knows you’re nervous.
“Pardon!?” I all but yelled in her face. She explained. Those nerves you feel on the inside, rarely show on the outside. So my advice? Fake it till you make it boo, and no one will ever know. Because enduring a first date with someone who cannot make a decision to save their own life is annoying, and while I would never suggest you change yourself to suit someone else, I also want you to trust your instincts. And that goes for choosing a paint colour for your bedroom, too.
Because getting years down the line and having to listen to your girlfriend have, honestly, far too many conversations with you about the colour of your future walls is downright nauseating (I like to think it’s actually quite thoughtful). Especially since British Paints literally an app that lets you change up the colour of your walls too visualise how well it’ll match your puppy . . . or couch, whatever.
I have faith in you, and I’d also like to reassure you to make those decisions and not worry about being a “little bit too much” because that’s just the spice of life and if your date doesn’t see that, that’s their fault. Nobody’s got the time for fence-sitting — which is exactly what Daniel and Esha learned in the latest ep of Lasting Love.