Folks, the Queen has arrived. The Masked Singer Australia has unveiled Her Majesty’s first clue of the season and it is as vague and impossible as you would expect. Join me as I marvel at Queen’s costume and mask, which I can’t decide if I love or hate.

All The Clues We Have So Far

Clue #1: “My sporting pedigree can’t be denied… And doesn’t that just take the cake?”

Clue #2: “I desire to rule the world.”

Clue #3: “My glorious stature doesn’t replicate my humble beginnings.”

Clue #4: “13 times I’ve been a bridesmaid but never a bride.”

Clue #7: “A queen can be many things. Even when I was very very naughty I was applauded by my greatest critics.”

Clue #8: “Nobody puts baby in a corner.”

Clue #9: “Im comfortable in public, crowds don’t bother me although I do like to travel by coach.”

Clue #10: “Yes there have been many stages in my life.”

Clue #11: “Sometimes I’m the queen, sometimes I’m the jester but my sporting heritage cannot be denied.”

Clue #12: “This isn’t my first time being piggy in the middle but I didn’t let that experience get in my way.”

Clue #13: “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose but tonight will be my checkmate.”

Clue #14: “I’ve been to a polo club but I’ve never played.”

Clue #15: “One wasn’t always a queen, but it is a real title.”

Clue #16: “Achieving that wasn’t a one night operation, or even 12 nights.”

Clue #17: “My first performance was for Britain, I took the applause not knowing if it would last.”

Clue #18: “Do people find me funny? In other words, do I have nil seriousness? I will not have it.”

Clue #19: “I am the queen, I’m not just one of the crowd. And I intend to stand out tonight.”

Clue #20: Being in the spotlight can play with your head, you don’t know who you are from one month to the next.

Clue #21: The Masked Singer is tough, especially near the pointy end. Its like facing gladiators in the Colosseum, I hope nobody calls me terrible. But you never have to tough it out alone when your heart is in harmony with another.

Clue #22: Growing up I rejected dance but still ended up being a dancing girl.

Clue #23: When you’re the queen you can do anything, but choosing what to do is tough.

Clue #24: We all write our own future and you can write it as you like it.

Uhhhh? T’is a tricky one.

Huge shoutout to the designer of this frock and mask and to the celebrity under it, ‘cos it doesn’t look particularly easy to put on.

Anywho, maybe Queen is an athlete or a chef or both, or perhaps has ties to either world through their family. Your guess is as good as mine at this rate.

The People Most Likely To Be Queen

Look, I have no bloody clue. I spent ten minutes Googling Sydney pastry queen Katherine Sabbath and her incredible cakes even though I know she has no apparent sporting ties.

So I asked my very smart colleague Cam Tyson if he can think of anyone and he brought Shaun Hampson to my attention. The former AFL player’s partner is *drum roll* Megan Gale, the supermodel, actor, designer, and company founder.

And, guess what? The couple own a restaurant together called Ascot Food + Wine in Melbourne, which is where Masked Singer is filmed. The dots, they can connect when forced to.

Megan is an absolute queen of her industry / in general as well, so that checks out.

Can she sing though? No idea.

However, Ch10 has since teased Queen’s singing voice and now I’m getting huge Kate Miller-Heidke vibes.

Her 2019 Eurovision dress did resemble a tiered cake. But what does “sporting pedigree” mean? What does it mean? 

The Guesses (So Far)

Guesses include Rachel Taylor, Princess Mary, Jess Origliasso, Tina Arena, Natalie Imbruglia, Kim Kardashian, Danielle Spencer, Bjork, Kate Miller-Heidke, Lucky Durack, Ellen DeGeneres, Sia, Lorde, Megan Washington, Toni Collette.

Singing aside, we have a new addition to the guessing panel this season as comedian Urzila Carlson replaces Lindsay Lohan. She’ll join familiar faces Jackie ODave Hughes, and Dannii Minogue.

The Masked Singer Australia kicks off August 10 on Channel 10.

Image: Network 10