White House Responds to ‘Star Wars Death Star By 2016’ Petition With 34K Signatures

Senior members of America’s Upright Citizens Brigade – no, not an improv sketch comedy group formed in Chicago in the mid 90s, but The White House – have responded to an overwhelmingly popular petition that aims to “secure resources and funding and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016” in typically White House LOL fashion, because those guys are both funny, #relevant and getting The Job done. (?)

A statement issued by Chief of the Science and Space branch at the White House, Paul Shawcross, on the official government online petition forum started by President Obama, We The People (which promises to respond to any petition with over 25,000 signatures) delineates three major reasons as to why the construction of a fictional moon-sized space station and weapon capable of destroying planets isn’t on the cards in the next four years. Maybe during the Rodham-Clinton administration?  
At the time of publication the petition has 34,435 signatures. That’s 1000 signatures for everyone one person who thought this was a good idea. The statement reads:
The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons: 

The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it. 

The Administration does not support blowing up planets. 

Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
Good one, Shawcross. Plus, who needs a Death Star when you have this?
Shawcross goes on to point out that, yes, something akin to a Death Star already exists (but it’s for learning not killing and it’s called the International Space Station; boring!) and that last year NASA also helped Disney/Pixar realise its dream of putting an IRL Wall-e on Mars. It was awesome, and as Shawcross points out “we’re already living in the future” so just ‘shut up and enjoy it’ sans Death Star. 
Super Nerd Shawcross also demonstrates a strong working knowledge of Star Wars and manages to work in a bunch of inter-textual references without sounding too condescending, lame or smug in the process. All in all, it’s a humanising and enjoyable read from an otherwise dry-as-Joe-Biden’s-laugh organisation. 
You can read the full statement here.
[Relevant Star Wars quote about The Force]

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