Approaching James Franco levels of meta self-awareness, everyone’s favourite hot mess that isn’t Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan, throws caution to the wind and bottles to the wall in the first thirty-second trailer for Liz & Dick, the Lifetime telemovie about Elizabeth Taylor’s infamous, scandalous, dangerous, fourth or fifth (“Who’s counting?”) marriage to Richard Burton, here laughably play-acted by Australian werewolf Grant Bowler. If it sounds exhausting, that’s because it is.
The deliciously camp teaser is, well, a deliciously camp tease: the rapid fire cutting should give you an idea of what to expect. You’re never allowed to settle on a scene for literally any more than a second, probably out of fear that potential viewers will get a real glimpse at what looks like it’s going to be the straw that breaks Lindsay’s comeback.
LiLo does well to pipe out all of two lines, one of which includes the bottle-hurling “Wench!”; while inter-titular snapshots and voiceover do the rest of the talking: “They drink, they fight, they fornicate!” and “Diamonds, paparazzi, controversial, provocative, love affairs!” are all you need to know.
The rest, as they say, is daytime TV history.
As Bowler muses, with probably less of a knowing wink than I’m giving him credit for, “How long can this show run?”
Liz & Dick will air in November. Godspeed, Cady. Here are some more GIFts.