WATCH: John Oliver’s Overdue Takedown Of Birds Is Our Revenge For Magpies

Sure, the Northern Hemisphere’s seasons operate in an opposite manner to our own, but that doesn’t mean we’re not both afflicted by the same problems come September. 
While we’re out here duelling with psychotic magpies as they misinterpret every movement as a threat to their young, autumn fall brings its own unique set of migratory avian challenges to North America.

John Oliver knows this all too well. Even though the nation’s newest ranter-in-chief is actually off this week (we can only assume Last Week Tonight will be too busy getting shitfaced after their inaugural Emmy win), he still made time to deliver a web-exclusive missive on those feathery fucks.

“To me, every single bird is just a shitty sequel to the dinosaurs, and we’d be better off without you,” Oliver exclaims, his spit practically slapping against the camera lens.

And woe betide the ostriches of the world. Oliver even manages to coin a new sweary verb when describing ’em, as he says “you look like a giant ball of lint trying to upshit out a huge leathery snake.”

It’s the biggest roast of birds we’ve seen this side of the Coles rotisserie. Unexpected? Yes. Unappreciated? No. Watch: