God bless the people of this wide, sunburnt land, and their many, many excellent bullshit excuses.
Alright, it may be that this bloke’s excuse wasn’t such bullshit; it’s still really fucking great though.
Police from the Western Australian town of Dalwallinu pulled over a truck driver for speeding. Speeding quite significantly in fact – he was doing 99km/h in a 60 zone.
pictured: the pursuit
When pressed for an excuse, the Speedy Gonzales of the Wheatbelt gave this immortal reason:
I needed to shit, kids have given me gastro.
That’s it. That’s what’s written on the ticket cops gave to him, along with a $1200 fine and 12 demerit points.
Two in 25 min. Loss of licence.#doubledemerits. pic.twitter.com/bpFjj0LBqG
— Dalwallinu Police (@DalwallinuPol) September 25, 2017
I.e., this poor bloke, who copped a case of raging tap arse from what we can only surmise are good-for-nothing, bratty kids, lost his licence for the heinous crime of speeding home in order to not literally shit himself.
Should have taken a leaf from the Mad Pooper‘s book and shat on someone’s lawn. Alas, he’ll be relying on public transport from now on – an even worse place to be struck by a case of the runs. Our thoughts and prayers are with him.
Also, quick tip: if you’re spewing hot filth out your rear end, don’t get behind the wheel. Imagine having to tell everyone why you can’t drive the kids’ carpool for the next six months.
