US Catholic School Blanket Bans ‘Harry Potter’ After Determining The Books Are Cursed

In what’s possibly the most-delayed reaction to a cultural event and/or phenomenon, a Roman Catholic school in the US has banned Harry Potter books from its library, after it consulted with exorcists and deemed the curses in the very-much-fictional story to be actually extremely real. Ooookay then.

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After determining that the magic used in the books is being portrayed as both good and evil, the school’s pastor Reverend Dan Reehil sent out an email to all parents, students, and staff, confirming that the school had immediately removed the cursed books from its library shelves after a request from a parent.

As per the Tennessean, the email sent out said that the spells were, in fact, very real, and could bring bad spirits/juju to whoever read them.

These books present magic as both good and evil, which is not true, but in fact a clever deception. The curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells; which when read by a human being risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text.

The email apparently goes on to confirm that he had spoken with “several exorcists” across America, who all advised to remove the books from the school’s library.

I dunno about you but I feel like being around an exorcist would hold more terrifying energy than a couple of fictional kids books that have a few abra-cadabra words in them that are no more magic than Gob Bluth’s sleight of hand.

Also, the first book was released over 20 years ago now (Jesus H Christ) so the damage surely has already been done, right? How many evil spirits can one text hold? Or is it just the one demon appearing in a puff of smoke every time some poor kid reads the books? Surely that one (1) evil being has gotta be pretty wrecked by having that level of omnipresence.

Anyway, it’s not clear whether other catholic schools in the US have taken heed of this one reverend’s determination to eradicate fun from reading, considering the catholic church apparently doesn’t have an official position on fictional boy wizard, Harry Potter.

According to the local Nashville superintendent, it’s up to each pastor/principal to “make such decisions for his parish school.”