Many a heart was broken in the Pedestrian office and around the world when the news of Uffie’s engagement broke (read: Greg from PandaToes sent Jesse an email with subject ‘Dude Uffie’s engaged’)
Once the dust settled: we set out to look for answers.
The first port of call was Uffie’s long-term collaborator, full-time fun-boy and possible future husband (?) DJ Feadz. After exploring further it seems that this relationship had indeed gone the way of the candle in the wind which can be further evidenced by the sour (?) lyrics of her song First Love:
‘I’m off to search for new love with my chances I might find better
I can make sure you will only be bitter
And with the time you don’t have to say it
Damn I wonder why i broke up with that fucking chick’
So with our minds almost hitting a wall – Jesse (the ever observant heir to the Pedestrian throne) is struck by a Vietnam vet style flashback and remembers back to the Uffie show at Sounds on Sunday in Sydney where after a raucous set Miss Uffie left holding hands with a mysterious ‘short-ish guy with dark hair’
Minutes later Jesse (the ever diligent and hard-working employee who focuses on the big issues) found these pictures on theCobraSnake that matched his eye-witness account.
Yes that’s right folks – A ring, a brutal jawline and a tattoo on the inside of her forearm that spells out A-N-D-R-E
Getting all Nancy Drew on it the google searches were flying: [Andre Uffie France Engaged] which led us to Uffie’s Myspace which in turn led us to Mr A. Or otherwise known as Monsieur Andre legendary French Graf artist and Parisian club baron (he owns notorious Paris nightspots such as Paris Paris and Le Baron) the future husband of Miss Uffie get to know him below and become his friend at Andre’s Myspace Andre proposed to Uffie in Tokyo after only 10 days of being together.
To discover the truth behind this couple and what’s really happening in front of the Cobra Snake’s lens we sought professional help. Meet Fiona Bodsworthy an expert in the field of body language
Pedestrian: We have some photos here for you to analyse can you give us the 4-1-1
FB: I’m not sure exactly what that means but I can tell you that this picture is very interesting and tells us a lot about this couple.
Pedestrian: We never actually told you they were a couple
FB: In my field you can tell straight away. They’re clearly very much a couple although it is what they’re saying with their poses that I found most fascinating.
Pedestrian: I don’t think it’s fair to call them posers
FB: I said poses.
Pedestrian: We’re not paying you to argue
FB: But you’re not paying me
——- line hangs up ———
Our Best wishes to Andre and Uffie the happy couple and our sincere and deep apologies if you
a) knew this already or are personal friends of either Uffie or Andre (or even if you are or claim to be Uffie/Andre)
b) got sucked into our vacuous hipster obsessed world that we clearly spend a disproportionate amount of time inhabiting
c) just wasted 4 minutes of your life (that would be most of you)
All photos lovingly borrowed (as usual) from thecobrasnake.com