Tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette left a lot to be desired, frankly. A lacklustre group date, a stomach-churning bromance between the two douchiest bros on the show… it was not a highlight.
EXCEPT.
FOR THIS GUY.
Got a date? Better bring the CANNONS Apollo! #bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/4vsmSgNayD
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) October 12, 2017
All of Australia right now:
Yep, the magician and certified gun licence holder has officially won the hearts/groins of the nation, what with his prodigious rig, his genuine interest in Our Sophie, and his serendipitous encounter with the most potent aphrodisiac known to man: puppies.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
WE HAVE APOLLO WITH PUPPIES! REPEAT, APOLLO WITH PUPPIES!!!!#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/OmcNkZz98V
— Channel 10 (@Channel10AU) October 12, 2017
Apollo when he remembers he doesn’t have to stress about the Rose Ceremony cause he scored a rose already…#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/1ugGWonnhU
— Channel 10 (@Channel10AU) October 12, 2017
Be still our beating hearts.
Even though “doga” is an incredibly stupid portmanteau, watching this sweet hunk o’ man attempt a few salutes to the sun with puppy in tow on his second single date with Sophie was phenomenally charming, and Sophie seemed to love it too.
Puppies + Apollo + Yoga = Enlightenment. 👌 #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/xJJIXMSo2r
— #BacheloretteAU (@BacheloretteAU) October 12, 2017
So much so, in fact, that she gave the Greek god a big ol’ pash under some very atmospheric fairy lights.
Kiss number 2 for this magical hunk!#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/47u7nsMLpl
— Channel 10 (@Channel10AU) October 12, 2017
Are we jealous? No, because Apollo is clearly a fantasy conjured to life through collective willpower, and therefore gets to marry every single person in Australia. Lucky us!
Weird how I was single before this episode and now I’m fully committed to Apollo #bacheloretteAU
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) October 12, 2017
Fun Fact: Apollo’s dog isn’t sleeping, he just held it firmly to his man chest and it fainted#BacheloretteAU
— Caitlin (@caitiejayne) October 12, 2017
Apollo was a cowboy for three days. I volunteer to be a reverse cowgirl for three and a half minutes. #BacheloretteAU
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 12, 2017
I want them to send everyone else home now & turn this show into Newlyweds: Apollo & Sophie ok please #BacheloretteAU
— Brontë Coy (@brontecoy) October 12, 2017
Apollo is a dark horse I’d like to saddle up #bacheloretteau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) October 12, 2017
The house looked empty until Apollo did this. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/qdnhinD6hv
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 12, 2017
Apollo could be like “I’m 20K in debt &still live with my Mum” and I’d be like “that’s totally fine, we can make this work!” #bacheloretteAU
— Matt Dawson (@matty_daw) October 11, 2017
What else happened in this episode? Nothing of consequence. Jarrod‘s still a revolting suck-up; Sam & Blake are still the worst, and it was a shame Sophie didn’t send both Beavis and Butthead home (that honour was reserved for perpetual irritator Sam).
Sam mainsplaining the entertainment industry to Sophie.
Me: #bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/rfYsItRVpW
— Jules LeFevre (@jules_lefevre) October 12, 2017
Blake is scum and only saved by the fact that Sam is somehow more obnoxious #BacheloretteAU
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) October 12, 2017
My representation of Sam & Blake. #nailedit #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/dKdqxmdV0N
— Matthew Keli (@KeliMatthew) October 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/oldbiddyyelling/status/918409256818286592
Excuse me are Blake and Sam making an alliance about having Sophie “in good hands”. This is so disgusting. #bacheloretteau pic.twitter.com/IMUQ1scRh8
— Eliza Berlage (@verbaliza) October 12, 2017
But who cares! Apollo is a real man who exists in the world, and even our mate Osher bloody loves him.
I’ve met a lot of men doing this show, and Apollo is a true 100% guy. He’s so genuine. Like Sam Wood genuine. #bacheloretteAU
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) October 12, 2017
New frontrunner? Who can say. Now I’m off to stick pictures of that Disney prince-looking motherfucker on all my school books because I, and every other person with a beating heart and a TV connection, have a BIG, BIG CRUSH.
