The unfolding romance of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker has been nothing short of outrageously horny. And right when I thought the Horn-O-Meter was maxing out, Travis now has a candle that apparently smells like Kourtney’s orgasm.
This cursed candle was brought to my attention today when Travis posted a picture on his Instagram story, showing off a special candle that surely must have been made just for Kourtney. Or maybe him. Maybe Kourtney got it made for Travis, because this is it.
Yep, he’s somehow gotten his hands on a special version of Gwenyth Paltrow‘s orgasm candle, which either has a stylised label or it actually smells like Kourtney hitting climax.
The orgasm candle is the follow-up to Goop’s infamous vagina candle that was released at the start of last year, and apparently smells of tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries, with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose notes woven through.
I dunno what kinda sex these people are having but you’d be lying if it didn’t have heavy base notes of lube and sweat. Maybe a whiff of cologne and an espresso martini, and the dinner you had a few hours earlier.
The special edition that Travis Barker is now in possession of may also have the same scent, but I also wouldn’t put it past the Kardashians to actually figure out the notes of Kourtney’s natural musk and have that infused into a candle. Imagine giving that to your partner, though.
It’s not even his birthday, what did Travis Barker do to deserve a candle that smells like Kourtney seeing god?
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That family’s power (and money) knows no bounds, and their history of gift-giving is always super fucking extra, so I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if someone got Gwenyth on the phone and was like “I have an idea for Travis…”
I have but one question from all of this: when are we getting a Goop and Poosh collab then?