Hello, it’s me again. Yes, the person who wrote that yarn a few weeks ago about Tom Holland sitting on a chair with no pants, and how I was “just a hole”. I’ve moved on from that depravity. Sure, I’m still a hole for TH, but I’m gonna be a lot less horny and lot more decorum in this piece. The new Spider-Man film has been announced!! Well… kinda.

Tom Holland, my husband, your husband, and an absolutely perfect Peter Parker in the Spider-Man films, has given us the official title of the third instalment in the movie series… and uh… so has Jacob Batalon? Fuck. We’ve all been pranked, haven’t we?

According to Tom Holland’s prank post, the movie is called Spider-Man: Phone Home, but according to Batalon’s post, it’s called Home-Wrecker. Be still my beating heart, it cannot be played like this. I was getting excited for some E.T. alien crossover activity.

“So excited to announce the new Spider-Man title,” wrote my future hubby, and absolute devil trickster, Tom Holland, on his ‘gram.

“Can’t wait for you lot to see what we have been up to. Love from Atlanta.”

In the pic, we can see Holland, Zendaya and Batalon, the main trio who deal with all the craziness in the series. Let’s just hope the craziness in the next film is somewhere along the lines of a hot villain à la Jake Gyllenhaal in Spider-Man 2.

Batalon’s post showed us some more screenshots from the film, with another joke title. Both posts were made at the same time, and I’m sad to admit I fell for them.

I even made an entire post excited about the release for Phone-Home, which is now deleted. Damn.

Is it just me or does anyone else think Spider-Man Hole-Wrecker would be a much better title than Home-Wrecker. Either way, I am here to be wrecked, Mr Tom Holland.

Not long ago, we received confirmation that Andrew Garfield, Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst and Emma Stone will be appearing in the film, with rumours swirling around the internet that the plot of the movie will revolve around the past Spider-Mans in alternate timelines coming into the world of Tom Holland and making a mess of things.

Another character confirmed for Spider-Man 3, who gives us a bit of insight into what kind of shenanigans we can expect, is Benedict Cumberbatch‘s Doctor Strange, who is known for messing with timey-wimey space stuff.

To make things even spicier, Jamie Foxx (Garfield’s villain Electro) and Alfred Molina (Maguire’s villain Dr Octopus) will be in the film, which spells out “clusterfuck” in big bold letters. I’m talking CLUSTERFUCK. I’m here for it.

Spider-Man: 3, which we would LOVE to know the fkn title of, is speculated to come sometime in late 2021, and I will be there for my boy with an open heart and an open mind. Nothing else open this time, I’m trying to keep it relatively PG for no reason other than self-respect.

Anyway, here are some memes. Go troll somewhere else and stop playing with my heart.