There are certain timeless debates which may never be settled, leaving their fundamental questions open and unanswered until the end of civilisation, when Earth is just a barren rock hurtling through a cold empty universe. One of them is deceptively simple: what is the correct way to cut toast?
The Twitter account for a UK club night had the courage to ask exactly that:
Which way would you prefer our staff to do you toast at the end of a night?! pic.twitter.com/QKLUb5uX5x
— hallamnation (@hallamnation) December 9, 2017
Why did the self-professed “ONLY OFFICIAL student night in Sheff!” see fit to ask this question, instead of doing what they do best, which is offering reliable bangers to the students of Sheffield Hallam University every Wednesday night? We may never know, but they did.
Before we get to the consensus, let me just say this: there was a lot of pushback on number 3 in the mentions, but I personally think that 2 is in fact much weirder. Who slices toast like that? At least 3 seems like something you might have eaten when you were a kid, and it’s balanced! Each slice gets an equitable distribution of crust. Am I insane in thinking this? Obviously 1 is the canonical slice.
all these people shitting on number 3 – bitches at least its symmetrical. same with 1. whoever cuts it like number 2 is a heathen https://t.co/yMQYMF8Vvy
— dani (@dearD4NI) December 12, 2017
Who the fuck does No.3 !? 🤷♂️ https://t.co/DCbTn2y39W
— example (@example) December 12, 2017
If you cut your toast long ways throw your whole life in the bin you creature https://t.co/HbaBkvtxrD
— Jack (@J4CKMULL) December 11, 2017
Everyone acting like #3 is an act of treason. I swear I’ve been to Diners who serve it that way. https://t.co/HyMEv1snXP
— Clay (@Clay_Carter7) December 12, 2017
I don’t endorse the slanderous claim in this tweet here, but I feel it must be aired anyway. Children, look away:
Your a 110% a paedo if u cut your toast lit number 3 https://t.co/aaxAwgexCO
— Courtney Ferrie (@FerrieCourtneyy) December 11, 2017
I stand by my claim. 3 is more normal than 2. Feel free to roast me in the comments. I don’t even care. I will die for this.
Fuck you, Hallam Nation, for making me think about this.