A movie about a woman fucking a car and having its baby just won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival, and I’m never getting in a car again.

Titane is a French indie psychological horror from Julia Ducournau, the writer-director of Raw (2016). It follows a woman who, after experiencing a car accident in her youth, grows up to have a “peculiar relationship” to cars.

Spoilers: she wants to fuck them. She wants to fuck four-wheeled machines. Outside mirror, rev engine pipes, gear stick, all of it. Talk about a rear-view.

It’s meant to be a fascinating exploration into the way childhood trauma shapes and haunts us and our desires as adults, but all I can think about is the four-wheel drive to Poundtown.

As BBC’s Nicholas Barber writes in a review of the film: “As soon as she leaves the hospital, she strides away from her parents and hugs and kisses the car instead.

“Oh, and did I mention that she is pregnant with the offspring of a car that she had sex with, and that she is lactating ink-black oil?”

I’m so sorry Cannes Film Festival, bestie, but I absolutely cannot deal with this today. Or ever, as a matter of fact.

A film literally about a gal fucking Lightning McQueen just aired at one of the most prolific film festivals in the world, so either it’s damn bloody good, or everyone is officially cooked. Judging from the trailer, it’s a bit more in the first than the second lane.

In the trailer for Titane, we see a scary-looking older man, FIRE, lots of sex and shots of car engines and car revs (coincidence? I think not), before what looks to be a very intense physical fight in a house. It all looks chaotic and like it’ll eat up at the rest of the film festivals and awards, too.

According to CNN, Titane “divided critics with vocal supporters and detractors, but the jury of [Spike] Lee, fellow directors Mati Diop, Kleber Mendonça Filho, Jessica Hausner, actors Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mélanie Laurent, Tahar Rahim, and Song Kang-ho and singer-songwriter Mylène Farmer saw fit to award it top hono[u]rs.”

Spike Lee, you absolute madman!

No word yet on an Aussie release date but I suspect we’ll see this horny horror flick on our highways soon.

You can strap your seatbelt on and check out the trailer below.