Calling all you Chalamates in Melbourne, Timothée Chalamet is officially in town. Well, kinda.

A mural of Hollywood’s favourite twink has been erected in the Victorian capital, meaning you can now pose with the Little Women man of your dreams. Y’know before planning out your hard-launch debut as the best new couple in Fitzroy.

The painting is part of a larger set of work, in a 615-square-metre radius. It also features Dune stars like my other husband Oscar Isaac and Jason Momoa, a man who I wish would throw me against a bed with the same passionate intensity as he does to this axe.

There’s also murals of Rebecca Ferguson, Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin sprinkled in there but who cares? They aren’t the new cast of Two and a Half Men.

Anyway, you can find the painting of the man who’ll call you by his name if you call him by yours on the corner of Caledonian Lane and Lonsdale Street.

The artistic impression of the 25-year-old native New Yorker depicts him as his Dune character Prince Paul Atreides. He’s wearing an all-black space coat with a future-core meets coloniser-of-a-space-rock-core accented collar and sporting a mid-part hairdo and cheeky pouty lip.

In the words of Nigela Lawson: “Naughty”.

Now, with that all out of the way, here are a few caption ideas for your eventual Instagram announcement post as a couple:

  • “Parlez-vous Français? No, but he does.”
  • “C’mon and slam and get into the jam. The Timmy Tam from Little Women, he’s our man.”
  • “Beautiful Boy”.
  • “Yes, the rumours are true. I’m in love with Timmy Tim Tim.”

Sydney can keep its cursed Squid Game Red Light, Green Light gal in Circular Quay moment because Melbourne has Timothée and hip cafes.

If you’re not Dune yet, you can catch the new Chalamezing flick in theatres now. Read why we ate it up like a sandworm here.

Image: Katya Wachtel