Purchasing anything online is fraught with potential disaster. Unlike buying something in a shop, you’ve got to trust the thing you’re buying a) looks like the picture supplied and b) does what it says on the box.
Well, friends. This horrific plush bear ticks NEITHER OF THOSE BOXES.
Here’s what Joyfay‘s 6 foot 5 bear toy is advertised as looking like.
Cuuuute. A big, fluffy teddy the size of an adult human. Seems like a great gift. Or child’s toy. To be honest, I’d already be mildly concerned at the though of a toy that’s as tall as a basketballer – but picture wise, he’s looking good.
Here’s the reality, according to purchasers of said bear, who have uploaded scathing reviews and HORRIFIC IMAGES to Amazon.
NOPE NO NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT. KILL THAT THING WITH FIRE IMMEDIATELY.
In fact, it’s best to light the entire thing on fire, let it burn to ashes, then burn the ashes again three more times. Then, bury whatever is left deep into the Earth so it can be with its maker, the Devil.
Why are the legs so long? It’s like a huge human is inhabiting this plush toy, ready to rip it apart and murder you in the night.
The reviews are wild and visual, and really allow you to experience the concept of this awful thing being in your home.
Imagine waking up and there’s a human-sized bear pushing you out of your Queen-sized bed. Honestly, that is the basis of 90% of my nightmare plots.
The bear has gone viral today thanks to this tweet:
https://twitter.com/cooltonedcutie/status/928706725582028800
Even though it looks demonic, the bear has 132 positive reviews – some people seem to really enjoy a gangly, terrifying giant man-bear taking up residence in their homes. As the bears description says:
The Joyfay teddy bear weighs in at 6.5 feet and 18 lbs. No light weights here. This heavyweight offers more huggability than your average bear. Kids and adults alike love to cuddle up with the soft silky giant.
Look, I’m going to challenge you, Joyfay, on that one – I for one do not have any desire to cuddle up to this soft, silky giant. The term “soft, silky giant” in and of itself is giving me the anxiety sweats.
Sadly (not at all) you can’t get this bear delivered to Australia. But if you’re reading this while on US hols and feel like paying insane amounts of shipping for what is essentially a large, furry demon that will curse you (probably) – you can shop it from Amazon here.
