This Is Reportedly The Basic Plot Of ‘Star Wars’ Episode VII


It should go without saying if you consider the inherent SPOILER ALERT of the above title, but what follows is rife with basic plot spoilers for the J.J. Abrams-helmed seventh instalment in the Star Wars franchise – that’s according to Badass Digest, who have reportedly obtained the typically farfetched premise of Episode VII. 

To paraphrase BAD, the film opens on the standard issue Star Wars credit crawl, and as the camera pans up to the stars we see a severed hand gripping a light sabre tumbling through space instead of the customary ship.

That hand then casually makes its way down onto a desert planet, where it’s discovered by our new heroes – newcomer Daisy Ridley and Attack The Block’s John Boyega, who, like Mark Hamill, is playing someone trying to change his life. Recognising the sabre as a Jedi relic, they embark on an off-world quest to return it to its owner. On their way, they meet a geriatric Han Solo and Chewbacca, who are no longer piloting the Millennium Falcon but recognise the light sabre as Luke’s, who they haven’t seen in the thirty years since Return of the Jedi

Meanwhile, on an ice planet, “nefarious forces are building a super weapon, one capable of destroying not planets but entire solar systems.”
When you consider that Luke lost his hand not in space but in the Cloud City, it seems highly improbable that it could’ve just floated upward into space, drifting intact for some thirty years before surviving atmosphere reentry on a desert planet. What does seem likely, however, is that no one would’ve had contact with Luke in thirty years. That guy is such a pest. 
Star Wars Episode VII arrives in cinemas on December 18th, 2015. Move along.
via BAD, H/T Collider

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