These 5 Key Tips Will Guarantee Your Christmas Lunch Is A Hit

As you get older, you need to start owning annual milestones like Christmas Day instead of relying on the kindness of older and more experienced friends and relatives as you once did. The question is, how do you guarantee you won’t make a balls up of the festivities? We turned to experienced party wrangler, cook book author and topnotch snack provider Levins – who also happens to be one of the most hospitable gents we know – to get the skinny on the necessaries for pulling off a Christmas lunch to remember. Take heed of his simple tips to guarantee success…

1. Make sure the majority of food you have is ham. Seriously. At least 50% of your Christmas spread should be ham.

2. Work out your drink ratio appropriately according to age. The oldest person there should be the drunkest, the youngest should be dead sober and everyone else should be somewhere in between. This will ensure inappropriate lunchtime conversation as your grandfather takes the piss out of your parents for the entire meal, resulting in tears, laughter and an early bedtime for everyone over the age of 50.

3. Buy the cheapest Christmas crackers you can find. What you’re looking for is a packet with the same 3 jokes repeated throughout each cracker, toys so shitty that it’s impossible to work out what they’re even supposed to be and enough gun powder inside to flash bake a whole turkey.

4. Delegate dessert to every single one of your relatives. You’ll hopefully end up with a pavlova per person. Merry Christmas indeed!

5. Ask your Aunty to say grace before you eat. Then, midway through her heartfelt prayer, tear off your shirt and yell “Do the Harlem Shake!” before being berated by your cousins for trying to bring back a meme from 11 months ago.

If you dig great hospitality, good tunes and fantastic vibe, join our buddy Levins at Goodgod Small Club this Saturday night for the Halfway Crooks x Hoops Xmas Blow Out! for which two of Sydney’s best parties will join forces for one night of insane merriment before the year’s end. Get it in your diary:

HALFWAY CROOKS x HOOPS XMAS BLOW OUT!
feat Anna Lunoe, Bad Ezzy, Captain Franco, Elston, Levins & Nina Las Vegas
Saturday 21 December at Goodgod Small Club (whole venue!)
From 10pm
$10 before midnight, $15 after midnight

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