Someone is leaving The X-Factor tonight, and after last night’s shockingly dull Live Show, I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of the 10 remaining contestants on the chopping block except for the two very popular boy bands The Collective and Fourtunate from smug Team Ronan, and the well liked Bella from Team Nat. Everyone else is fair game.
Before someone gets eliminated we have to sit through an hour of tension-building reality TV tropes and performances by Pink, The Veronicas and Lady Antebellum. I hope you’re drunk! This live blog starts at 7.35pm or thereabouts, depending on when Home & Away finishes. Alf’s daughter Georgia Parker is getting married!
7:38pm: The Veronicas started singing some kind of techno thing that I would call a ‘dance anthem’. They are also HOLDING AK47s. The AKs make the Veronicas look even more tiny than they already are. Can’t wait to see how some hysterical columnist says something about this being insensitive to the Bali bombing victims or something. Those two miniature dynamos from Redlands Bay (the Veronicas – der mates) love courting a bit of controversy don’t they?
7:46pm: I missed a fair bit of that performance because I was trying to make the image below, but the contestants joined the Veronicas on stage to perform “Untouched” and “4 ever”. God they are good songs. I’m not kidding.
Anyway here’s that image I just referred to:
Seriously though, that flaming backdrop was like Satan’s ugly screen saver. The set budget seems to have been seriously cut between last week and this one.
7:53pm: We need to have a good talk about what the judges are wearing this evening. My friend Katie just observed that (a) Guy is wearing a janitor jacket; (b) Nat is wearing what appears to be a shiny snakeskin dreamtime sack; (c) Mel B has gridiron padding under her dress which is an unpleasant bronze number.
7:57pm: The band Lady Antebellum is now playing a song. Their piano player looks like the twin of David Guetta. Is it David Guetta? You know I don’t care. The male and female lead are either in love or pretending to be in loe with each other during the performance of this song. I’m not sure what’s worse…
8:04pm: It’s the moment of truth as all the contestants come out on stage with their corresponding mentors. Mel B is looking nervous – quite rightly. Now that I can get an impression about her entire style vibe for the evening I have to say she’s looking rather gorgeous too.
8:06pm: Luke announces that the first act through is Fourtunate. No surprises there. Shiane from Nat‘s team goes through next. Then Carmelo. WTF. He was actually shite last night. Mel let out an amazingly desperate spontaneous moan of relief. Excellent.
8:08pm: Bella is also announced as safe, then The Collective. Next to go through are Jason (one with the flames), then Sammy and finally Nathaniel.
8:11pm: Angel and Justin are in the bottom two and will be singing for their lives. Justin HAS TO GO or I’ll do something rash… like threaten to do something rash but then not do anything at all.
8:17pm: Pink is doing a song now. She’s wearing a pink dress. Get it? She makes the X-Factor contestants look like a bunch of amateurs. Funny, that. I quite like Pink though. I’m not super into her music per se, but she always sings live and sounds good, and she can do Cirque de Soleil acrobatics while doing it. That’s enough to impress me. Luke Jacobz is fanning out over Pink and is kind of acting like an over eager spaz. Keep it professional mate.
8:27pm: Luke pulled himself together to introduce Justin who is singing for his life. He’s singing “The Reason” by Hoobastank, I believe. Or maybe a Simple Plan. I can’t remember which terrible emo band is responsible.
8:36pm: After Justin’s extremely sub par performance, Angel comes on to make him look even further below par by sounding divine. If the judges don’t clean sweep Justin as the one to leave the comp I’m probably going to egg the Channel Seven studios.
8:45pm: Nat and Mel B vote to keep Angel in the competition, but Guy keeps Justin in since he’s his mentor. Look I’m not going to egg the studios because I’m not a vandal, but I almost threw a glass through the TV screen when Ronan was clearly considering voting to keep Justin in the show just because he is clearly a hundred times worse than Angel and will therefore provide less competition to his groups. He finally came to his senses and got rid of Justin when Mel B had a threatening word with him.
So Justin is the latest X Factor-less casualty to leave the show. And then there was nine… Until next week, everyone.