The X-Factor Australia Live Blog: Results Show 01

Last night on The X-Factor Australia we watched the first of the Live Shows where each of the Final 12 acts in contention performed a song. Some did a great job (Angel, The Collective, Sammy), some were terrible (Fourtunate, jason), and the rest fell somewhere in between. Tonight we find out which ones Australia voted for the most and which one, out of the ones with the lowest number of votes, will be booted by the judges. If tonight’s show is anywhere near as lively as Jason’s suspiciously dark eyebrows we’re in for a treat!


7:34pm: I just remembered that tonight Ronan Keating is performing a song from his new album. Fuck.

7:36pm: First the whole crowd of finalists are performing en masse. It’s “Call Me Maybe” for heaven’s sake. One of my least favourite contestants, Josh, is wearing what he must consider his signature look: large headphones and sunglasses on top of his head a la Alex Perry. This entire thing is an almighty train wreck.

7:40pm: I’m having a* wine. Tonight, in addition to Ronan singing some terrible adult-contemporary song, Guy Sebastian is singing his chart hit with Lupe Fiasco. There’s a lot of strategic time-wasting to look forward to.

*four.

7:45pm: Tonight my least favourite judge Natalie Bassingthwaighte looks pretty good in a iridescent blue frock and messy hair. Nice job, stylists. Mel B has her breasts out, no surprises there. Ronan is wearing an annoying indoor scarf. More of this kind of fascinating commentary to follow! Stay tuned everyone!

7:51pm: Alright ladies and gentlemen, here we have Ronan singing his new single “Fires”. Fake comets are shooting down upon him and his hair is styled in a manner that almost perfectly resembles the snout of a pig in profile.

7:53pm: Actual flames are being shot from the stage in blasts, and a fake blaze is raging on the screens behind Ronan. Because the song is called “Fires”.

7:57pm: That was bland but tolerable. Johnny Ruffo pipes up from behind the scenes as The X-Factor‘s social media correspondent. He needs to take a leaf out of Ronan’s book and get fired immediately. He’s been relegated to pre-recorded sponsor messages after an embarrassing earwig fail last night.

8:03pm: Serious time now: All the contestants are back on stage with the judges and we find out who is staying. First up… Angel. Well deserved because she was terrific last night. The next person to get through is Jason. I’m relieved. He wasn’t great last night, but he’s such a delight.

8:05pm: Next through are two of the boy bands, The Collective and What About Tonight; then it’s announced that the adorable Shiane and painful Josh have gotten through as well.

8:06pm: Oldmate Justin and Fourtunate are declared safe as well. We’re down to four contestants. Two will be safe and the other two will have to ‘sing for their lives’.

8:08pm: Host Luke Jacobz announces that Bella is safe to rapturous screams from the audience, as well as Nathaniel. That leaves Guy’s contestant and his best friend Sammy and Mel B‘s vest-inclined R&B singer Adil. Now they sing for their lives, which must mean they will perform again and it’ll come down to a vote between the two of them. I’m not at all surprised to see these two in the bottom. Sammy was good last night but she’s boring and no one likes nepotism. Adil’s performance was average and he’s not a very engaging character.

8:15pm: “Battle Scars” now being performed by Guy and Lupe. Don’t hate me but I think this song is perfectly okay. In a it-sounds-like-something-T.I.’s-already-done kind of way. Lupe Fiasco has dreads. The production expense of each set piece must be phenomenal. There’s a smoking car, more jets of fire and a lot of synthesised smoke. Very ‘urban’.

8:25pm: It’s now time for Sammy and Adil to do their final performances. Mel B is shocked because “Adil has so much more to give”. Guy pragmatically comments that this is just another chance for the contestants to show what they’ve got. Adil’s up first.

8:29pm: He is singing “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars. His voice sounds okay except he’ll be no great loss if voted out. The dude has such an aversion to tops with sleeves it is getting on my nerves. Denim vests have their time and place, but not every evening on live television.

8:31pm: Sammy’s turn. She’s singing “I Can’t Live (If Living Is Without You)”, the Mariah version. Her voice is very well controlled and sweet, but her overall vibe just isn’t particularly compelling. Out of the two Sammy’s was definitely the better performance though. It’ll be interesting to see what the judges say and who they pick.

8:38pm: Guy votes for Sammy – naturally. Mel B, of course, votes for her own boy Adil. Nat pussyfoots around for a while but finally gets rid of the contestant who belongs to the pool of her judging panel enemy: Adil.

8:39pm: It comes down to Ronan’s vote. And he chooses to send home… Adil. Fair call, judges. He was a bit of a bore.

8:42pm: Adil is crying the poor kid. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that you and I won’t miss him. Alright, that’s the show for tonight. If you are outraged let off some steam in the comment section. See you next Monday for the live show. Night y’all!

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