Welcome to the sixth Live Show for The X-Factor Australia. Tonight, the remaining seven contenders for the title of Act With The Most Intangible and Non-Qualifiable Vibe will perform songs in the theme of the latest and greatest hits. If you’ve been following this live blog for the last few weeks you’ll know that I’m going to be familiar with maybe TWO of the seven songs. ¯(°_°)/¯

After a mediocre effort from the majority of performers on last week’s Live Show, tonight I’m hoping for some transcendant gold. But I’m not banking on it. The show kicks off at 7:30pm and, as the Black Eyed Peas once said, let’s get it started. Yes I just quoted Will.I.Am. God help me.

7:31pm: The show kicks off with a few flashbacks from last week’s episode, including Mel B‘s outrageous performance of the “Gangnam Style” dance with PSY, which she allegedly performed without underwear on. Luke Jacobz introduces the judges to stage and I’m slightly disappointed to see that Mel is wearing a hot pink cheongsam that is tight but demure. Sad face at the absent of boobs.

7:37pm: Mel B has just revealed that she got “uh loh ev lurf from meh husbah” after doing the Gangnam Style dance on last week’s Results Show. She also said she “quah enjoyed eh!” LOL.

7:38pm: First to perform this evening is Fourtunate from Ronan‘s team of Groups. They are singing “You Make Me Feel” by Cobra Starship. My first thought is concern about the faded denim overall that one member of the group is wearing – with only one strap obviously. Very “urban”. Very Men At Work (the 1990 movie starring Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen – not the the 1980s band that did “Down Under”).

7:40pm: I’ve never heard this song in my life, but apparently Fourtunate did a good job because Nat thought it was fantastic and Mel B “luhrved eh” and in particular she “luhrved theh choreographeh”. Ronan is pleased with the performance because they nailed the vocals and the choreography. Righto.

7:47pm: Jason, the last remaining competitor from Team Mel is next performing “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift. Colour me intrigued.

7:49pm: The song starts with Jason sitting on a fake flight of stairs with the grooviest most current hairstyle he’s had in the competition so far. His style has really evolved. I feel like this song choice will payoff, because the female youths in the audience are singing along to every word and reaching toward Jason. It didn’t particularly show off his voice, but it’s a hit that the kids love and they’ll probably vote for it.

7:51pm: Ronan was positive about Jason’s performance – and just about Jason being a great guy. “Every X-Factor in the world needs a person like you in it,” he says. Nat thought he was really good despite her concern about him singing a girl’s song. Guy agrees that Jason is a doll and it’s great to have him in the comp; and Mel B says he is such a delight that it’s a pleasure to go in to work every day. Good on you, Jason pet.

8:00pm: Next is Shiane who is singing “Hometown Glory” by Adele. She starts at a pretty low register and the key doesn’t really make the most of her voice. When she gets to the chorus though, she gets the chance to show off the power in her voice more. This is a nice performance, quite understated, but it never really took off.

8:04pm: Guy felt as though the song didn’t quite have enough for the performance to really go to the next level. Mel B agreed with Guy. She thought it was underwhelming and that Shiane didn’t have the emotional maturity to really get the meaning in the song across. Ronan agreed. He thought it was a poor song choice and that Shiane didn’t really “connect” tonight. “NO NO NO NO NO” says Nat, quite petulantly, who thought it was great and Shiane’s best vocal performance. It definitely wasn’t. Nat is being a dick tonight.

8:12pm: We are back and next to perform is Guy‘s contestant Nathaniel who is singing “Let Me Love You” by Ne-Yo. It turns out that Nathaniel and Jason have turned into BFFs and have been hanging in the gym and chatting together. Bromance alert!

8:14pm: “Speak up, mate,” says my fiance as he chews on a Vietnamese pork roll. I have to agree – Nathaniel starts off far too quietly. Like Shiane’s performance, once he gets to the chorus of the song, Nathaniel’s voice gets stronger and better with the higher section of the song, but the verses were too low to show off his voice.

8:17pm: Mel B loved the song but thought his outfit didn’t match it. (“Thank you!” says my boyfriend, like he was thinking about that fact throughout the performance. LOL.) Ronan basically says exactly what I did. That the chorus was great but the verses weren’t right for him, as thought he was doing two separate performances. Guy, in the meantime, thinks Nathaniel is a “true artist”. Groan.

8:24pm: Next is The Collective singing “Lego House” by Ed Sheeran. They are sitting down in a semi-circle of chairs, a performance formation that’s a boy band signature.

8:26pm: Two of them are playing the guitar as the only accompaniment to this song, and even though one of the band members is wearing a sleeveless maroon cowl-neck shirt that is as hideous as heck, they do sound good. The harmonies are pretty and they seem to be connecting well with each other in the performance. I have to say I quite liked this.

8:28pm: Guy makes a few negative comments but he’s “just nitpicking because you guys are great, it just wasn’t perfect”. Mel B disagrees with Guy – in fact she says it “was muhr than pehfect. Ah lurhved eht!” And Nat loved it too. Ronan says he is just SO PROUD. It’s all you, Ronan babe.

8:36pm: Tonight Bella is singing a Florence + The Machine song – which apparently Nat has ALWAYS WANTED TO CHOOSE FOR BELLA. Last week Mel said that Bella should sing Florence, so Nat is firmly reiterating that she ALWAYS AND FROM THE BEGINNING wanted to choose Florence + The Machine for Bella. Fucking hell, shut up you two idiots.

8:38pm: Uh… this choice (“Shake It Up”) might have been a mistake. Bella’s voice is not holding up with this song, especially with the chorus which is supposed to really take off but instead she loses her pitch and started squeaking a bit. She does look really glam though? And she’s quite committed to the song with her facial expression and gestures and stuff?

8:40pm: Guy loves Bella but thought she didn’t quite nail the song because she was trying to be too much like Florence Welch. Mel B thought she was amazing and thought it was a great song choice – because she is the best and always knew that it would be, since she said so and all. Groan. Guy calls her the “Kate Bush of the 21st Century”. Please. Calm down Guy darl.

8:47pm: Next is Sammy singing “Scream” by Usher. Guy introduces her saying “Mel you wanted edgy, you’ve got it.” I hate “edgy”…

8:50pm: My boyfriend says “I didn’t know Euro-Vision was on.” Oooh burn! But so true. Firstly, I’ve never heard this song in my life and, if Sammy’s version is anything to go by, it is bottom-of-the-bin Euro trash, that might be okay when Usher does it (because he has loose hips and Michael Jackson dancing to go with it) but I don’t love this. Despite the shitiness of the song, the performance is pretty good. Sammy’s voice sounds really good despite having to do a bunch of stupid choreographed dance moves with shirtless men writhing on the floor. Impressive.

8:52pm: When Sammy finishes the performance Mel B actually gets out of her chair and goes on stage to hug Sammy because she loved it so much. It was “edgy” everyone. Edgy. All the judges loved Sammy and hornbag Mel B asks Sammy if she can “teyhk the dress hohm tonaht”. Honestly.

8:59pm: Alright dudes. That’s a wrap for tonight. Get those strong feelings about tonight’s show off your chest in the comment section. We’ll see you again tomorrow night for the Results Show. Good night all and thanks for tuning in.