Today, the Internet was very upset that the Masterchef judges seemed to be very favourable towards the contestant who looks like she’s permanently about to cry/poop, Georgia. According to popular opinion, Georgia is the judges’ pet, Jessica was far more deserving of being in the final with her grapefruit/popcorn dish, and everyone needed a good vent.
BUT nevertheless; here we go with Masterchef Grand Finale 2015!
Billie & Georgia had three separate tasks. Despite all the judges totally reminding us every four seconds that they HATE sweet pasta, Georgia nailed the Mystery Box round with a Strawberry soup/goats cheese ravioli dish.
Billie 21/100
Georgia 23/100
In the second round, Georgia has made mushroom custard, with mushroom sauce, mushrooms, and a mushroom garnish. Billie went far better this round, with her scallop/roasted fennel/vinaigrette dealio. Despite her Dad’s adorable commentary on ‘how well it mixes together’, Georgia aced this round too.
Billie 46/100
Georgia 50/100
For the final round, or ‘The Heston Blumenthal Round’ if you will – the most difficult, complex and intricate dish in Masterchef history. Tritus? Some kind of rot? Huh? There’s glass sugar blowing involved. HOLY FUCKING BALLS.
Billie won this stupid, ridiculous round of utter wankery, possibly because Georgia dropped half of the bloody dish on the floor, cried into the pear gel, and didn’t get around the blown sugar ball. Heston was ‘gobsmacked’ by Billie’s.
Billie 82/100
Georgia 80/100
Billie, despite the judges’ (obviously red herring) favouritism towards her opponent, has won Australia’s Masterchef 2015. She wins $250,000, a car, and Heston also offered her a job at his Melbourne restaurant, The Fat Duck.
But more importantly, if someone wants me to join me at the pub, I’ll be aggressively discussing how grapefruit and popcorn “don’t belong together”, but Heston mixes parmesan cheese, wine, pear, caramel, yoghurt, saffron, meringue and citrus to make it taste like some kind of MOULD, and that’s somehow fine.
[mic drop]
