Last night we watched the first vocal battle of The Voice Australia and saw dreams be crushed and moves like Jagger. Tonight is the next instalment in the show’s intense one-on-one voice contests between fellow members of a mentorship. It’s like The Hunger Games but not at all…
8:11pm: We’ve got two guys going up against each other first and they are Keith‘s contestants with Megan Washington as the side kick mentor. They’re doing that Eric Clapton/Babyface song from the John Travolta psychic movie! That’s a humble brag because I know music so well but not well enough to know its proper name. (Okay, that’s not a brag of any kind. I’m just lazy and can’t be bothered to Google search it).
8:15pm: The contestants are Taga and Cam, and they are both making all the judges grin like fools. Maybe they’re remembering how hilarious John Travolta looked in a toga.
8:18pm: The pair are completely different as performers but the judges are leaning towards Taga. Keith has to choose… And Taga is the choice.
8:22pm: Keith just said of Taga: “Every day that guy is trying to change the world, and it’s not just a figure of speech. He literally does it.” It might be a figure of speech.
8:26pm: Give me some SWISSE vitamins right now.
8:27pm: Delta has chose “Purple Rain” by Prince, one of the greatest ballads of all time. The two who’ll be singing it are the sexy Russian Victoria (say it with a Russian accent) and the Lana Del Rey copy Peta. I don’t know if this is going to work :/
8:31pm: Peta opens the song. Apparently it’s her favourite song of all time. Hm. The sexy Russian who hasn’t a fucking clue who Prince is takes up the next line. Then Lana Del Rey V2 opens the chorus and Seal shakes his head with disgust, as if to say “this is so awesome that I’m repulsed by its magic.” Seal right! I’m pretty torn between these two for this performance, but I’m siding with the Russian.
8:36pm: Most of the judges preferred Peta, but Joel thought Russian was more believable. I’ve got to agree. Who’s Delta going to choose though? Suspense….!
8:39pm: Delta has had to turn to her back up mentor, the adorably cow-licked Darren-from-Savage-Garden to get his opinion.
8:41pm: Delta goes with her heart and her heart goes with… RUSSIA! Lana Del Rey II gets bumped.
8:42pm: We’re back with Seal and his contestants. He’s selected Anthony a soulful Elvis fan with a trucker cap and Michael who’s raw performance and falsetto made him an interesting early contender. Lol I sound like the Darren McMullen voice over! Seal thinks they both have GIFs. Cool! Can someone send them to me so I can embed them in this post? – UPDATE: he said gifts. Dang.
8:48pm: The song is “Living For The City” by Stevie Wonder, and Michael opened the duet. His voice veers from grungier soul to sweet falsetto. The kid sounds great. Anthony made a pretty great vocal performance too. That was a pretty nice performance. Delta complains about their “diction”, which is exactly the kind of thing a high school choir teacher would say which says everything about Delta.
8:53pm: Michael wins! For an unknown reason he’s my favourite so far.
8:58pm: Two of Joel‘s pretty, young dudes are next up, and he’s got them singing “Big Jet Plane” by Angus and Julia Stone. One of the guys is Laykn! Remember? That guy whose name I thought was fake?
9:00pm: It’s cool to welcome Joel’s mentoring side kick Benji Madden back to the show. Once again, we haven’t heard him say a word except for “yep” while nodding under his backward black cap. “YEP”.
9:04pm: These guys both killed it. The atmosphere, that is. Only kidding! They were alright. Delta says she “just wanted to listen to Lakyn” though. Delta mate, he’s too young for you, you perve! Joel says they “both showed up tonight.” – ?!? – but in the end he chooses Lakyn! If he wins the first thing he will have to do is change his name from Laykn.
9:16pm: Next up is “two small girls with two very big voices” (thanks Darren McMullen) Sarah and Danni. They’re Delta contestants and they’re singing “Hero” as made famous by Mariah Carey. *Cringe*
9:19pm: Delta’s on the verge of tears. And all the judges are giving the gals a standing ovation. “That was the best performance, as in not a battle but a well sung duet,” according to my boyfriend. Hilarious. (?)
9:23pm: It’s decision time. Seal said “that was the best battle that we’ve had.” “Yeah, that’s what I said!” my boyfriend exclaimed. Wish he would stop finding common ground with Seal.
9:27pm: Delta chose Danni after consulting Darren, and after both girls had to vouch for themselves while crying on stage. LOL at Delta pretending to cry. Thank god that’s over.
9:30pm: Next up are two of Keith’s contestants. Isn’t tonight over yet? I’m grabbing a quick snack*.
9:37pm: Jimmy and Russell Crow lookalike are singing a Birds Of Tokyo song. Trying for stadium rock.
9:41pm: Keith is consulting with freckled pixie Megan Washington and goes for Jimmy. I’m not sure whether Jimmy was Washington’s pick, but Keith just hyped him because of his enduring “pub rock spirit”. I’ve rocked in a pub but I’m not going to win a record deal. That said, I’ve got poorer rock hair than Jimmy.
9:47pm: Honestly though, I’m not being a dick: I have hair worse than a balding Mick Hucknall.
9:49pm: Another Joel pair are up next, and he’s picked “What’s Up?” by Four Non Blondes which was huge when I was in grade 7. I wish I was performing tonight, because I’m fairly sure I devised an entire choreographed dance to it with my girl friends back in the day.
9:50pm: Please let Benji say something out loud. It will be such a novelty!
9:52pm: Still nothing from Benji Madden. The girls are doing a pretty interesting job of the song, and I’m most fond of this pair insofar as wardrobe is concerned tonight. One of them Marly is wearing a cute jaunty red hat, and the other Laura has cute capri pants and a sweet blouse. I’ve taken to distinguishing contestants by their outfits, not by their voices, as the show suggests I should. Whatever show!
9:57pm: Both girls performed well, but Joel ultimately chooses Laura. She was the one who sang “Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush so nicely in the blind auditions. I’m into her.
9:58pm: I can’t believe it’s 9:58.
10:02pm: Seal has paired up two of his dudes Guy Sebastien’s Brother and hip swivelling, eyeliner wearing carpet cleaner Ishrael. Seal’s got them singing “Fireworks” by Katy Perry, possibly one of my favourite pop hits of 2011. Ricki Lee is giving them some sweet advice like “…….”.
10:09pm: Darren McMullen is on Twitter. And I just started following him. #TigerBlood.
10:12: Final showdown of the night! Guy’s brother kicks things off. He doesn’t quite have his brother’s vocal talent, which is probably exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. Guyliner-wearing carpet cleaner is definitely the stand out of this battle. He’s also wearing red pants. PS This performace is shit, on the whole.
10:13pm: Amazing. The camera just landed on Joel who looks hilariously bored as batshit.
10:15pm: Seal has to make a decision. He’s telling Ishrael how beautiful and unique he is, but he is leaning heavily toward Guy Sebastien’s bro – and picks him.
10:17pm: It’s the end of the episode, but I’ll be back to break down the next one. Until then, share your thoughts and concerns in the comment section…