‘The Voice Australia’ Episode 13: Live Blog

Welcome to the live blog for The Voice Australia season two, lucky number 13. It’s just about time to wrap up the hallowed Battle Rounds of the contest. The seven remaining pairs of wannabe singing superstars will go head to head in the sudden death sing-offs, including the two oldest artists in the comp who’ll be contesting for a place in the finals with a good old fashioned piano jam-out. That’s something to look forward to. Join us on the journey.

7:04pm: In the first vocal tête-à-tête of the evening, piano-playing musical man Nicholas will take on the gigantic smoothy with a tragic past Ryan representing Team Seal. The song chosen for this melee is “You Found Me” by The Fray – classic reality tv singing contest fare.

7:09pm: Ryan kicks off proceedings. His voice has a throaty tone and a lot of expression but the vocals lacks power. Once Nicholas starts singing it’s clear he has the higher quality voice. [Some guy in my apartment building just started belting out “LYING ON THE FLOOR.. YOU FOUND ME… YOU FOUND ME” from the song. Solidarity mate! Come over for a cup of sugar!] The judges are torn between these two, but ultimately Seal picks Nick as his champion. Boring. Next!

7:18pm: Two reps from Team Delta, nurse/single mum Sophie and cutie pie family boy Nathan are up next singing “Stay” by Rihanna. Ugh so heavy, Ri.

7:20pm: In rehearsals Delta pulls up Sophie for a heart-to-heart chinwag about how to channel her emotion for the performance. Nathan starts wigging out a little. Get it together for the big performance Nath.

7:23pm: Both singers are doing a pretty good job here, but I definitely prefer Nathan as a singer. He has really lovely phrasing and his delivery is appropriately pained. Sophie has a good voice but it’s not a special voice. It sounds like a lot of other earnest female pop voices around. Delta says as much and goes with Nathan. I’m glad, because Nathan’s septuagenarian nan just showed off her arm tatt backstage after the show. Elderly grandmas with tattoos break my heart I tell you.

7:35pm: We’re back. And two of Team Joel‘s “pop princesses” Kathy and Jessika are hitting the ring. Literally, the stage is set up like a boxing ring. Battles. Good one, The Voice.

7:37pm: Joel is grinning like a pre-Homosapien level primate with a toothpick watching these two babes with enormous piles of hair going at each other to the sexy beats of “Titanium” by David Guetta. The blonde one actually looks a lot like Lady Gaga.

7:40pm: Joel turns to his trusty mentor Ben Lee to make the final decision. Ben thought Jessika “brought it” tonight, and Joel loves them both but the person he’s taking through is… KATHY. WOW. That’s quite a surprise since – as Ben Lee accurately observed – Jessika was the stand out performer of the song. Delta could potentially save her but passes. Joel is all “I saved her guy, why can’t she save mine?” It doesn’t work that way, sport. You can’t get inside Delta’s crazy child-like mind with demands or reasoning!

7:48pm: Delta has chosen Gotye’s “Heart’s A Mess” for her next team battle between follicularly creative dudes Josh and Luke. No matter what the outcome, hair products are the big winner here.

7:51pm: Yikes. A terrible start to the song by reverse-aerodynamic fringe dude Luke. He’s pretty flat. Josh who looks like a slightly more schmick version of Australian actor Stephen Curry (shout out!) is pulling out a much better vocal performance here. On the whole, the entire thing is pretty awkward. Seeing white dudes sweeping their arms around dramatically to a slow song while Delta vacantly clicks her fingers out of time is both entertaining and odd.

8:01pm: Next up is Sydney surfer Nick versus flannelette ensconced Adam Garrett. Ben Lee says the battle winner will be “which ever one of these guys nails matching masculine with being vulnerable.” They’re singing a song that’s about dads by Swedish House Mafia. This’ll be deep.

8:05pm: If the involuntary bodyrolling of Delta Goodrem is any indication both these guys are knocking it out of the park. There were some nice harmonies in there and I’d say these dudes will both score pants action either way. My fiance thinks Adam had the edge. He says “Nick was good, but run of the mill.” It’s down to Joel who says he believes Adam won the battle but he loves Nick’s style and blah blah. There is a very strong choice Nick is NOT out of contention for Voice-dom because Delta still has her ‘save’…

8:09pm: …And Delta bails on the save! I thought Nick was a shoe-in after the full-body flailing she just displayed, but she’s obviously saving it for one of the two final performance of the night; that, or she’s got something more existential in mind. “I feel the universe will give me a sign when it comes to the right time,” she muses.

8:15pm: Time for the old guys! Sideshow Bob hair bro with the adorable dad Mitchell and Seal’s sweet elderly “soul brother” (quote unquote Delta) Steve. They’ll be playing “Walking In Memphis” by Mark Cohn chosen by his holiness Seal.

8:19pm: “I love this song, dude!” enthuses Joel as Mitchell and Steve begin playing duelling pianos while singing. This is fucking awesome.

8:22pm: Okay that was fantastic. Partly because old people are just better, but also because it was a great song choice by ol’ Seal dog. Joel said “I don’t know why but I almost started crying when you started playing.” Bless. Delta also started crying during the performance! Ricky says “You guys need to go on the road together” which is exactly what I was thinking! See:

8:25pm: It is down to Seal… ARGH! Channel Nine went to an ad break! The suspense is killing me. *Pours another shiraz*

8:29pm None of the other judges offered Seal any assistance with his decision because they couldn’t split it. Ultimately Seal makes his choice on who to take through based on who he could help more and he goes with Sideshow Mitchell.

8:32pm: THEN DELTA SAVES STEVE!!! *Faints*

8:33pm: Alright you guys. Alright, calm down. I have to get it together for one final battle. This one is between Florence-ish Celtic songmaiden Imogen and technically superior singing teacher Katie Carr from Team Ricky. It’s do or die for these gals because there are no more ‘saves’ left. The critical showdown will all come down to “She Wolf” one of David Guetta’s giant money pots.

8:42pm: This shit is ON y’all! Both these ladies are more than holding their own on the vocals while strategically ignoring each other on stage and emoting madly to the audience. Seal thought Imogen had the edge, while Joel says Katie was “on song” tonight. Delta picks Imogen because “you’re really intriguing” [“what, because she’s got a headband on?” says my boyfriend in disgust]. Ricky is torn and calls a time-out to confer with Jessica Mauboy.

8:47pm: Ricky picks Imogen in the end. I feel sorry for Katie because she sang beautifully and feel that the fact Imogen was wearing facial jewellery gave her an edge. Ah well. Such is the unpredictable falling-of-chips on television’s The Voice. Tune in next time for more stream of consciousness mind sharing and chatter about singing. But first: your thoughts on tonight? How great were the old guys? Why so many David Guetta songs? Is it just me or does Seal look like he’s always looking into the sun? Good night!